Red Robin: *disables the security system of a top secret government facility*
Superboy: How on earth did you get so tech-savvy?
Red Robin: Xbox.
Tag: caffeinated crusader
Tim: Did you check the emergency exit?
Bart:
Bart: No, I went to go get donuts.
After a mission
Alfred: Very well, who got injured?
Tim: I’m fine.
Steph: I’m fine.
Damian: Tt. As if those low lifes could injure me.
Dick: Just a sprained wrist, I’ll be fine by tomorrow.
Jason: *holding his shoulder which looks suspiciously red*
Duke: *leg is also looking suspiciously red*
Duke and Jason: Gunshot buddies! *High five*
Bonus:
Bruce: *limping away towards the stairs, a trail of blood smeared behind him* I’m FiNe!
Undercover mission at a Gotham City home for the elderly…
Tim: *whispering* I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to have a weapon in a place full of old people.
Jason: *whispering back* Literally everything is a weapon, Tim. These dentures in my hand are far deadlier than that staff on your back.
When you teach your sons how to be financially responsible and ask them to present an account of their expenses…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian *hand over haphazardly stacked pieces of paper*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: Most of these aren’t even receipts. This one says, “I bought a Robmobile, 2010″.
Red Robin: *crouching behind the giant coin in the Batcave*
Nightwing: *walks in*
Red Robin: *to his walkie-talkie* The Hug Machine is here. I repeat, the Hug Machine is here. Smiling on all cylinders.
The rest of the Batfamily: *temporarily stop brooding to find hiding places*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Dick tends to get in the way of angst and sadness.
Tim: Aaaarrrggh, you are such a sore loser, Damian!
Damian: I am not a sore loser, Drake. It’s just that I prefer to win, and when I don’t, I get furious.
When asked how he spent time with his brothers yesterday…
Jason: The dentist pulled my tooth out. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to the guys that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
Jason: Plus, it’s always fun to see Tim faint.
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
Jason: *doing wheelies, stoppies, and burnouts*
Jason: *jumps while his motorcycle’s mid-air, does a backflip, then gets back on and lands gracefully in front of Tim*
Tim: *sips coffee* This morning I saw a YouTube video of a puppy riding a motorcycle, so my bar for stunning is pretty high.
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