Mar’i: *cradling a dead bird and sobbing*
Jason: I’ve been through this before, Sweetheart. When your Uncle Damian was fourteen, I was supposed to take care of his parakeet. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.
Mar’i: DAAAADDDDYYY!!!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Dick (reluctantly) reconsiders caffeine-addicted Uncle Tim for babysitting.
Tag: caffeinated crusader
Torn apart furniture. Food and some sort of ink (or is that blood?) smeared all over the walls and carpets. A scorched living room ceiling. Tim tries to explain what happened to a visiting Conner…
Tim: It would take hours to explain the psychology of this event, so I’ll just simplify.
Tim: *points at Damian* “Dynamite”.
Tim: *points at Jason* “Kid with matches”.
Family Patrol Night…
Nightwing and Red Robin: *watching Red Hood “interrogate” a criminal*
Nightwing: Uhhh… I think Jason may have snapped.
Red Robin: Or maybe he’s just stuck in character.
Nightwing: Which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
Red Robin: Both. They’re both worse.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Someone rescue that thug.
Post-traning session at the Manor…
Nightwing: *trying to catch his breath and wiping sweat off his face*
Red Hood: *examining his broken helmet while holding an ice pack against his temple*
Red Robin: *throwing his halved bo staff into the fireplace*
Nightwing [to Robin]: In everyone’s defense, I think the most worthy opponent of yours is… you.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Well, since your sisters were out shopping during this whole ordeal, one cannot say that with absolute certainty.
Why you think twice before trolling the World’s (Second) Greatest Detective…
Tim: What have you done with my report?
Jason: I’ve hidden it. To find it, you’ll need to decipher a series of clues, each more fiendish than –
Tim: Got it!
Jason: D’oh!
Why Dick is Damian’s favorite older brother…
Tim [about Damian]: In a way, I think we learned more from him than he learned from us.
Jason: Well, obviously. Because we taught him nothing.
Nightwing: *sees what Batman and Red Robin are up to* Tracking software? You’re spying on Damian!
Batman: Dick, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Scene cuts to Deathstroke on a nearby rooftop, listening in via a bugging device attached to the Batmobile]
Deathstroke: That’s right, my dear Dick Grayson. *sinister laugh* Soon, you’ll be mine.
[Scene cuts to two FBI agents in a surveillance truck]
FBI Agent #1: *observing Deathstroke via a spy camera* Keep talking, creepo.
FBI Agent #2: Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
When your best bud is still learning how to be “human”…
Conner: That’s a third of the way to Mars!
Tim: Conner, for the last time, Thirty Seconds To Mars is the name of a band, not a fact.
Dick: Rule #1 with a baby…
Jason: *sniggering*
Tim: *smirking*
Dick: *places a hand on Damian’s shoulder*
Damian: *growling*
Dick: …don’t use it as a human shield.
Jason and Tim: *all-out, belly-laughing*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He a tough baby, though.
Bart: *watching as Batman inspects their base after interrupting their game time and calling for a meeting*
Bart [to Tim]: *still in his pajamas* Your dad, huh? So this is who we have to thank for a lifetime of grouchy-ness.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Heeey, Impulse, Robin’s not that bad… Is he?
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