When your eldest brother asks you to look after his Blüdhaven apartment while he’s away on a mission…
Red Robin: Oh, come on, Dick’s a grown man. He can take care of himself.
Red Hood: *opens the refrigerator to reveal a bottle of curdy milk, a half-eaten sandwich, and a bowl of soggy Cheerios*
Red Hood: *looking unimpressed* You really believe that?
Tag: caffeinated crusader
When your best bud is still learning how to be “human”…
Conner: That’s a third of the way to Mars!
Tim: Conner, for the last time, Thirty Seconds To Mars is the name of a band, not a fact.
Taking your crush on a tour of the Manor be like…
Tam: *walking slowly around Tim’s bedroom and checking out posters of obscure rock bands on the walls*
Tam: *smirking* You know, you’re weird.
Tim: *trying to sound chill while (almost) soundlessly dumping his disguises into his cabinet, kicking weapons under his bed, and taking down case photos linked with thread and pinned to his headboard, all while Tam’s back is still to him* You have no idea.
When your faux fiancée won’t believe how nosy your siblings can be…
Tim [to Tam]: As soon as we touch, the blinds will open, and three annoying, but lovable, misfits will be staring at us.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And one creepy, but loveable, Batdad will be spying through binoculars from three rooftops away.
Dick: *reads newspaper article about the Drake-Wayne/Fox engagement*
Dick [to Tim]: You intended to propose without telling me, your eldest and most good-looking brother?!
In the middle of a jungle mission and both of Tim’s legs are broken…
Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!
Red Hood: We have to. Tim, I’m sorry –
Red Robin: No, you’re not.
Red Hood: I am, actually, which whatever, but –
Robin: *cocks and aims one of Jason’s guns at him* We are not leaving Drake!
Red Hood: What do you even think you’re doing?
Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!
Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*
Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*
Red Hood: Oh my goodness! *wiping tears from his eyes* Okay. Thanks, little D. I think we needed that.
Red Robin: *clutching his belly and sighing blissfully* We did. We really did.
Sorting stacks of old case files at the Batcave…
Dick: You know I think we’re making some real progress.
Tim: Where, in opposite world? We’re never gonna finish all this!
Damian: We could if certain people would help. -Tt-
Jason: *standing behind stacks of cardboard boxes* I’m sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.
Breaking into a top secret facility…
Red Hood: *making snarky comments as they sneak past every guard*
Red Robin: Wait, here’s an idea: You talk louder, and maybe they’ll just come to us.
Red Hood: We’d lose the element of surprise, Timbo.
Red Robin: That was sarcasm!
Red Hood: No way, really? Because so was that, just now!
Upon receiving intel that Jason’s being targeted by a hit squad…
Red Robin: This Gothamite hit squad is no joke. So if I were you, I’d lay low in the safe house for a few days until we work out a plan to neutralize them.
Red Hood: Ohhh! Yeah, okay! The safe house!
Red Robin: I’m sorry, your words made sense, but your sarcastic tone did not.
Red Hood: Because there are no Gothamites. Bruce just wants me out of the way so he can… do unspeakable things with Selina! So nice try, idiot!
Red Robin: I love that I’m the idiot.
Jason: Have you joined a cult again?
Tim: For the last time, World of Warcraft is not a cult!
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