Jason: *picks up a piece of paper by the phone*
Jason: Timbo, what’s this? A phone message?
Tim: Yeah. Some dude called for you.
Jason: Who? I can’t read your handwriting.
Tim: *reads the message out loud* “You’re a big, selfish jerk.”
Jason: Okay, I know who it is.
Tim: Probably Roy.
Jason: Yup, Roy.
Tag: caffeinated crusader
Family Patrol Night…
Red Robin: *disarming the security system at a criminal compound* Uhhh, what do I have to do for you?
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: *taking down a group of henchmen* Just promise to be sad at my (second) funeral.
Red Robin: *hacking into the control tower mainframe* Do I have to cry?
Red Hood: *activating the timer on an explosive device attached to a chain link fence* No.
Red Robin: *downloading top secret evidence onto a hard drive* Will there be food?
Red Hood: *running away from the site* Yes.
Red Robin: *reclining on the computer chair as he waits for said download to finish* Can I bring a date?
Red Hood: *BOOM*
Red Hood: *static*
Red Hood: *panting* You’re just screwing with me now, right?
Red Robin: *grinning* How does it feel?
At the Manor…
Jason: It’s because of you that Tim doesn’t want to come here anymore!
Damian: Good. Tell me what I did so that I can do it to you.
Tam: *entering the Wayne Enterprises building*
Tim: *fidgeting with his double-breasted suit*
Tim: *closes his eyes for a second, then exhales*
Tim: Do I look okay?
Jason: Timbo, she waved at you, she smiled. Clearly her standards aren’t that high.
Tim: Right, thanks.
Tim [to Damian, or vice versa]: I don’t have to like you, I don’t have to be nice to you, and I can make fun of you whenever I want, because when it really comes down to it… I will always have your back.
Tim: *mimicking SpongeBob’s voice* Thaaat’s right, ‘cause in this family you gotsa do your chores!
Jason: *scrubbing spray paint off the Batmobile while watching Alfred from the corner of his eye* Stop saying stupid stuff and come help!
When your detective of a father asks you and your brothers what happened to the Batmobile…
Bruce [to Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian]: *narrows eyes*
Bruce: Usually, when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.
Warehouse: *explodes*
Red Robin: *watches as debris slowly fall into the Gotham Harbor*
Red Hood: *looks at Tim questioningly*
Red Robin: Bruce’s not going to say anything because we’re not going to tell him.
Red Hood: We’re not?
Red Robin: No, we’re not.
Red Hood: Alright. I like that.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Because Tim would totally propose this and Jason would totally agree.
Preparing for Family Patrol Night…
Robin: *adjusting Goliath’s leash* What, Todd, for the first time ever, doesn’t want to do this?
Nightwing: *stuffing cereal packets into strategic places in his suit* No, no, he does. It’s just that he’s been so mopey.
Red Robin: *checking the coordinates of a supervillain’s lair on the Batcomputer* Well, that could have something to do with the fact that today’s his death anniversary.
Nightwing: I don’t know what it is.
Red Robin: I think that’s what it is.
Robin: -Tt- Who knows with him?
Red Robin: *looks into the camera like he’s on “The Office”*
Paintball war at the Manor…
Dick: *whispering* Why did the Resurrected Robins stop firing?
Tim: *listening to every sound* I don’t know… They’re probably out of ammo.
Jason: *yelling from a makeshift fort in Damian’s room* Hey, Fake-Dead Robins, we are giving you a chance to surrender!
Dick: *aims his paintball marker at the draped Batman bedsheet* Yeah, they’re definitely out of ammo.
Jason: *reloading*
Tim: *yelling from behind a grandfather clock* Real guns don’t count, dude!
Damian: –
Dick: *yelling from beside Tim* Neither do blades, Little D, sorry!
Damian: *putting his katana back in his closet* -Tt-
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Jay’s got ammo, alright. @jasontoddbestafterdeath
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