Tag: caffeinated crusader

When Jason finds a way into the Fifth Dimension,uncertain of what – or who – exactly he’s facing, knowing only that Tim’s in there somewhere and that he’s not leaving without his younger brother… 

Red Hood [to an astral projection of Mister Mxyzptlk]: I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money…

Red Hood: But what I do have is a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for creatures like you. 

Red Hood: If you let my brother go now, that will be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. 

Red Hood: But if you don’t, I will look for you.

Red Hood: I will find you.

Red Hood: And I will kill you.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

Astral projection of Batman from out of nowhere: Jason, we do not kill. 

When you’re trying to turn over a new leaf but your brothers miss the “chaotic-but-fun” you…

Jason: What is that?  

Tim: *wiggles his eyebrows* Looks like a fuse.  

Jason: All right, what exactly are you planning? 

Dick: We’re planning to get you back. We want our brother back, the way he used to be.  

Damian: Todd, we are well aware of how much you used to like fire, explosions… 

Damian: *hands Jason a lighter*

Jason: *stares at it* 

Jason: Nice try. That was a long time ago.

Tim: Really? 

Jason:

Jason: *looks at the fuse again*

Jason: So, where does this go? 

Dick: Well, I suppose you could find out by crawling over the fence and following the fuse. Or you could find out… *grinning* the Jason way. 

Tim: We’re sure that you’ll make the right decision. 

Jason: Guys, I’m telling you. Things are different now! I’m an adult, I have responsibilities. I’m just not a sixteen-year-old maniac anymore who –

Jason: *hears a click, then sees that his hand has already flicked the lighter on and is holding it to the fuse*

Jason: Huh. Interesting.

Bruce: Tim, please keep an eye on Jason today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get himself arrested.

Tim: Sure. I’d love to see Jason get arrested.

Bruce: Try again.

Tim: I will stop Jason from getting arrested.

Bruce: Correct.

Breaking into a top secret facility…

Red Hood: *making snarky comments as they sneak past every guard*

Red Robin: Wait, here’s an idea: You talk louder, and maybe they’ll just come to us.

Red Hood: We’d lose the element of surprise, Timbo.

Red Robin: That was sarcasm!

Red Hood: No way, really? Because so was that, just now!

Upon receiving intel that Jason’s being targeted by a hit squad…

Red Robin: This Gothamite hit squad is no joke. So if I were you, I’d lay low in the safe house for a few days until we work out a plan to neutralize them.

Red Hood: Ohhh! Yeah, okay! The safe house!

Red Robin: I’m sorry, your words made sense, but your sarcastic tone did not.

Red Hood: Because there are no Gothamites. Bruce just wants me out of the way so he can… do unspeakable things with Selina! So nice try, idiot!

Red Robin: I love that I’m the idiot.

Sorting stacks of old case files at the Batcave…

Dick: You know I think we’re making some real progress.

Tim: Where, in opposite world? We’re never gonna finish all this!

Damian: We could if certain people would help. -Tt-

Jason: *standing behind stacks of cardboard boxes* I’m sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.

In the middle of a jungle mission and both of Tim’s legs are broken…

Robin: Well, we definitely can’t leave Drake!

Red Hood: We have to. Tim, I’m sorry – 

Red Robin: No, you’re not.

Red Hood: I am, actually, which whatever, but –

Robin: *cocks and aims one of Jason’s guns at him* We are not leaving Drake!

Red Hood: What do you even think you’re doing?

Robin: I AM TAKING COMMAND!

Red Hood and Red Robin: *look at each other*

Red Hood and Red Robin: *laugh hysterically*

Red Hood: Oh my goodness! *wiping tears from his eyes* Okay. Thanks, little D. I think we needed that.

Red Robin: *clutching his belly and sighing blissfully* We did. We really did.

Jason: How are we going to get past them without a gun fight?

Tim: I’ll tell you how John McClane would do it. The vents.

Jason: Ah, blast the A/C, they get chilly, they leave to find sweaters.

Tim: No, we’re gonna climb through them.

Jason: Even better. Classic use of vents.