“Batman v Superman” behind the scenes…
Wonder Woman [about him and Superman]: What is it with you two? You say you hate him, but the way you deal with him, it’s so clear. Even when you hate him, you still care about him.
Batman: I guess when you spend 78 years being someone’s friend, deciding to quit them is like losing a part of yourself… But sometimes the hate is just so powerful.
Tag: bruce wayne
Mornings at the Manor…
Dick: *sulking*
Bruce: *reading the business section of the Gotham Gazette*
Alfred: *taking Tim’s groggy face out of a cup of coffee he was trying to drink*
Jason: *cooking waffles while whistling an 80’s tune*
Damian: *doing one-finger push-ups with Alfred the Cat on his back*
Dick: I know I’m the only one in this house who actually drinks milk, but would it kill any of you to make sure it’s actually on the grocery list?
At a Wayne Charity Foundation gala…
Dick: *flashes the signature Grayson grin while offering to shake the Mayor’s hand* Nice to meet you, Sir, Ma’am.
Mayor’s Wife [to Bruce]: Your family is lovely!
Bruce: Hn. Does it seem that way? Where’s Jason?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Meanwhile…
Jason: *smoking beside a dumpster outside the hotel and eavesdropping via Comm Link* Legally dead, you old Bat.
Mornings at the Manor…
Tim and Damian: *bickering at the breakfast table*
Bruce: Quiet, you two! If I hear one more word, Tim doesn’t get to drink coffee and Damian doesn’t get to go on patrol.
Tim: Bruce!
Damian: Father!
Bruce: Not. One. Word.
Tim and Damian: *start insulting each other by lightly tapping spoons and banging salt and pepper shakers*
Bruce: I thought I told you two to knock it off.
Tim: We didn’t say anything!
Damian: Not one word!
Bruce: Well, no Morse code either.
When you ask your adoptive son how you can make up for all those lost years and he eagerly pulls out the new “Batman: Arkham Knight” game…
Jason: In the hunky robotic suit with adorable pointy ears, with a record of 48 wins and no losses, the undisputed champ of this Manor, the amazeballs Jason Todd! *whistles and cheers*
Bruce: Hn.
Jason: And in the black, leather BatSpanx, with a record of zero wins and 48 defeats – oh, correction, humiliating defeats, all of them by –
Bruce: Must you do this every time?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
That he must, Bats. That he must.
Oooh… “lost years”. Get it?
Batman: *holding Damian by the scruff of the neck*
Robin: *growling and attempting to free himself*
Batman: This is, uh… *clears his throat* This is my son.
Wonder Woman: Your offspring is adorable! May I keep him?
Nightwing: *panting after having sprinted from across the hall* NO! No, you – you certainly may n-not!
When you invite the Super Family over for a “leisurely Sunday cookout"…
Bruce [to the Batkids]: This is a competition. We need to win it. Please do your jobs.
Superman: Bruce, I’m not going to lie to your son.
Batman: Come on, Clark. I lie to my sons all the time.
While on patrol…
Batman [on the Comm Link]: Tim, what’s your status?
Red Robin: Scared, anxious, worried.
Batman: Alfred, I was totally fine before Dick came into my life.
Alfred: With all due respect, Master Bruce, you were a dumpster fire.
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