Tag: bruce wayne

Alfred: *walks into the Batcave with a tray of cookies*

Alfred: *watches as a thick, sticky, white substance drops from the ceiling and onto the tray*

Alfred: *sighs deeply* Is this absolutely necessary, Master Bruce?

Batman: *yelling from the ground floor while making a few adjustments to a vehicle* I thought it would brighten the cave up.

Alfred: *looks up at crevices on the ceiling* And where, may I ask, did you find this many of them?

Batman: 

Batman: Uh –

Alfred: *throws the guano-contaminated cookies into a trash bin* MASTER DAMIAN. *speed-walks out of the cave*

Nightwing: *getting off his motorcycle after it screeches to a halt* He is not gonna wanna see that room. *looks up* I like what you’ve done with the place. The yellow against all the black? *kisses his fingertips* Magnificent.

Batman: *grins* @fleetof-fandoms’ idea. You’ll have to send them a package for me. 

Nightwing: Yeaaaah… I don’t think a bumblebee-colored Batmobile qualifies as a package-package, but sure, I’ll drive it over. 

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Snapchats at the Manor…

Camera: *focuses on what looks like a leather seat, then on buttons with bat symbols on them, then on something glinting red*

Red Hood: *places his phone on the dashboard, takes off his helmet, winks at the camera, then bites into a Big Belly Burger* It’s Wednesday. Sometimes I eat in Batman’s car. Don’t tell him.

At the annual Justice League beach trip…

Clark: *happily soaking in the sunshine*

Bruce: *shifting positions every 15 seconds on his beach chair*

Diana: *frowns questioningly at him*

Bruce: *settles down reluctantly*

Bruce: Relaxing makes me tense.

Introducing the League to the members of the White House via online video conference at the Hall of Justice be like…

Superman: *grinning proudly* Mr. President, this is Batman. We’re teammates.

Batman: *muttering* Temporarily.

Wonder Woman: *passing by* Oh, I don’t think it’s temporary. You two were made for each other.

Nightwing: *picks the least tattered Robin uniform in a box marked “good ol’ days” and gleefully drops it on the floor in the middle of the living room*

Red Hood: *unloads his handgun and drops a bullet on top of Dick’s uniform*

Red Hood: *faces Tim and does a “gimme” hand gesture at him*

Red Robin: *shakes his head no and hugs his chest tightly*

Red Hood: *attempts to wrestle a packet of coffee out of Tim’s bearhug* Timbo, let it go, dude. It makes, like, one cup.

Batman: *carries Damian by the scruff of his cape and puts him down at the middle of the pile*

Alfred: *rushes in, grabs Damian by the hand and leads him away from it* Absolutely not, Master Bruce!

Robin: *sulking* -Tt-

@biggiepiggie44: *staring at the pile of… what in the… ?*

Red Hood: *wiping sweat off his forehead and heaving* One what, @biggiepiggie44?

Red Robin: *lying facedown on the floor*

Red Robin: *muffled* Yeah, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

Batman: *walks in on his children speaking in hushed tones and huddled by the Batcomputer, with Tim at the helm*

Red Hood: Dudes, what makes you think the old man’s not gonna know that we used his tech to do this?

Nightwing: If he does find out, I’ll handle it, okay? Aren’t you guys even the least bit curious of how many by now?

The Signal: Well, okay, I guess I am now. Let’s do this.

Robin: Father is going to be disappointed at this idiocy.

Red Robin: Pssh. Like that’s stopping you. Besides, this is the only computer on this Earth that can log on to Tumb–

Red Robin: I just got goosebumps. Guys, why did I just get goosebumps? And why isn’t anyone talking to me? Guys?

Red Robin: *slowly turns his seat*

Batman: *with narrowed eyes* Hrrrn.

Nigthwing: *smiling sheepishly* Heyyyy Bruuuuce…

Red Hood: *covering his mouth to stifle his giggling*

The Signal: We – we were just – uhhh –

Robin: I warned them, Father!

Red Robin: Why, you little – *lunges at Damian*

Nightwing: *jumps in to break Tim and Damian apart*

The Signal: *runs to the kitchen to get Alfred*

Red Hood: *takes out his phone and starts recording everything*

Batman:

Batman: *walks past his sons’ wrestling match to the Batcomputer*

Batman: *enters the password to the Tumblr account and looks at the number of followers*

Batman: Hn.

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Your overwhelming support for this blog has gotten them excited, too.

With much appreciation,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Batman: *sniffing a green substance on a swab stick* Hn. I found fresh parademon feces on the tread of the victim’s shoe.

Superman: I trust you’re telling me this for a reason other than to make me say “yuck”.