When Bruce and Clark met Diana…

Batman: *staring intently at Wonder Woman from across the room* Come stand next to me.

Superman: Why?

Batman: So she doesn’t think I’m creepy.

Superman: Well, you are creepy.

Batman: I realize this. That’s why I need you.

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

BABYSITTERS

(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)

Dick:

  • It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
  • Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
  • Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
  • Gentle disciplinarian.

Jason:

  • Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
  • Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
  • Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”

Tim:

  • Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
  • But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
  • Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
  • Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).

Damian:

  • Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
  • Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
  • Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Gotham City rogues gallery pep talks be like…

Two-Face: Yeah, be prepared! We’ll be prepared… for what?

Joker: For the death of the Bat prince!

Scarecrow:
Why? Is he sick?

Joker:
No, fool! We’re going to kill him. And Robin, too.

Killer Croc:
Hey, great idea! Who needs the Bat?

Harley Quinn: *sings and dances*
No prince, no prince, la la la la la la –

Joker:
Idiots! There will be a prince!


Riddler:

Hey, but you said that – 

Joker: I will be prince. Stick with me and you’ll never be fearful again!

The Gotham King

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Batman: *holding Damian by the scruff of the neck*

Robin: *growling and attempting to free himself*

Batman: This is, uh… *clears his throat* This is my son.

Wonder Woman: Your offspring is adorable! May I keep him?

Nightwing: *panting after having sprinted from across the hall* NO! No, you – you certainly may n-not!

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When your grandsons, in an effort to step out of their father’s shadow, get an apartment of their own…

Nightwing’s uniform: *splayed on the couch along with Dick’s hair products and smelly socks*

Red Hood’s weapons: *lying in wait for someone to accidentally trip on them*

Red Robin’s coffee: *spilled all over the dining table – which also doubles as Tim’s makeshift bed – and his laptop*

Robin’s pets: *walking in and out of the bathroom, soaking wet*

Alfred: *looking around with a deadpan-but-clearly disappointed look on his face*

Alfred: *clears his throat as he steps over a fallen garbage can on the floor*

Alfred: Who washes the dishes?

Jason: *defensively raising his hands in front of his face* Nobody washes the dishes! We eat the food directly off the coffee table and you know it!

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Inviting your best friend to your hometown be like…

Clark: *driving to Smallville* Bruce, I know you have some very definite expectations for this weekend.

Bruce: *on the passenger’s seat* Why do you think that?

Clark: Because you sent me an e-mail three days ago that said, “Clark, I have some very definite expectations for this weekend”.