Raising a Robin…
Bruce: Alfred, Jason’s having girl troubles. You’d better go talk to him.
Alfred: It’s clown troubles, Sir. That’s your responsibility.
Bruce: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and “dying pets”?
Alfred: Yes. Well, we’re adding clowns.
Bruce: Hn. Fine. But you just bought yourself “ear piercing” and “strange new feelings”.
Tag: bruce wayne
Nightwing: *sighs*
Nightwing: Just go, Bruce. I don’t want you to be late for whatever it is you’re hiding from me.
Bruce: My last will and testament is three hundred and twelve pages long.
Dick: Mine’s written on a sticky note. “Everything goes back to Batman.” But don’t worry, don’t worry. I used your real name to keep it legal.
Damian: *puts on noise-cancelling earphones after overhearing Bruce and Dick yelling at each other*
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: I hate it when father and father fight.
Also Damian: *looks around in a slight panic to check if anyone heard what he just said*
On speaker phone with The Flash and about to discuss the scientific details of a case…
Batman: This is Batman.
Green Lantern: *yelling from across the Batcave while checking out the Batjet* And Hal, so speak English!
Red Hood: I don’t really do well with change, I guess.
Batman: Well, you’re better than I am.
Red Hood: The pyramids are better at change than you are.
Red Hood: … It’s a joke! Hey, I was being affectionate.
Bruce: Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite Robin?
Dick: Bruuuuce. Come on!
Bruce: I think instinctively you must know…
Dick: I mean, it’s like…
Bruce: I mean you’ve gotten away with everything…
Dick: *giggles* Bruce, you don’t have to say that…
Bruce: You’ll always be my little bo–
Door: *thud thud thud*
Batman: *muffled* Nightwing, get up. It’s time for patrol.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And it had been such a nice dream, too.
Superman: Bruce, I hope this isn’t too personal but… is that a human heartbeat I’m hearing or are you just happy to see me?
Batman: I don’t remember asking for –
Superman: Bruce, please shut up and let me save your life.
Commissioner Gordon: *watches as Batman grapplehooks out of view*
Commissioner Gordon: *blows out some smoke, flicks his dying cigarette away and crushes it with his shoe*
Commissioner Gordon: *clears his throat and yells into the night sky* You just hate saying goodbye like a normal person, don’t you?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 