Superman: Red Hood. Thank you for your help. You are a valuable asset to Batman’s team.
Red Hood: Well, it would be great if you would call him and remind him of that from time to time.
Tag: bruce wayne
Batman: *working on a case by himself in the Hall of Justice*
Superman and Wonder Woman: *watching him*
Superman: *whispering* The good news is, he’s the best at what he does.
Wonder Woman: *whispering back* The bad news is, he knows it.
Happy 80th, Brucie.
Batman: Alfred, I need a car.
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: Call an Uber.
Batman: What am I? 19?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
No, more like a middle-aged teenager. (Also, this is Alfred’s version of grounding you for almost dying during your last mission, Bruce.)
In the Batplane…
Batman:
The Flash:
Batman:
The Flash: *shuddering*
Batman: You okay?
The Flash: *still trying to get over seeing Red Robin and Robin in action only a few moments back*
The Flash: You convinced two healthy kids to jump out of a plane. Is that even legal?
Selina: *creeping behind a sculpture inside the Wayne Manor, eavesdropping*
Bruce: Now, Dick, what a woman wants, really wants, is for you to listen, truly hear what is troubling her –
Selina: Not half-bad advice –
Bruce: And then you can quickly solve that problem for her and move on to something more interesting –
Selina: *rolls her eyes* Back to normal.
Batman: *trips over the Lasso of Truth*
Batman: I suppose I like hanging around you guys. I don’t know why.
Superman: Thank you?
Wonder Woman: I’m not sure that was a compliment.
Why no one likes playing chess with Bruce Wayne…
Supercomputer: *makes a move*
Batman: Now I’m stumped.
Supercomputer: 😏
Batman: There are three ways that I can beat you, but I don’t know which one to use.
Supercomputer: 😳
Batman: You know what? I’ll use the pawn. They never get to be the hero.
Supercomputer: 😤
Batman: My life expectancy is at 90 years. My life is more than a third over.
Wonder Woman: Want to trade?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Get out of here with your facts, Bruce. You could outlive a character from the Fifth Dimension.
At the Annual Justice League Family Day…
The Batfamily: *enter the picnic area*
Hal [to Barry]: A horde. That’s the minimum. They don’t come in anything less than a horde.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Bonus:
Clark and Jon: *walk in with them*
When Batman grounds you from patrolling until you learn to get along with each other…
Red Robin: I really love you, little brother.
Robin: *throws the script at him* -Tt- We have got to get you to that acting clinic, Drake.
Red Robin: And that was with me picturing coffee.
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