The Robins as…
BABYSITTERS
(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)
Dick:
- It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
- Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
- Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
- Gentle disciplinarian.
Jason:
- Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
- Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
- Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”
Tim:
- Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
- But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
- Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
- Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).
Damian:
- Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
- Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
- Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.
Tag: bruce wayne
When your detective of a father asks you and your brothers what happened to the Batmobile…
Bruce [to Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian]: *narrows eyes*
Bruce: Usually, when everything’s normal, people don’t respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.
Bruce trying out a new parenting strategy…
Bruce: *reading the newspaper* Well, good morning, David.
Damian: David?
Bruce: I know you’re not my well-behaved son, Damian, who’d never take the Batmobile out without a license and get arrested.
Skimming the local newspaper to investigate a crime be like…
Batman: Have any of you found anything suspicious?
Red Hood: Yeah, actually. A citizen wrote in. He said that “Gotham City is great!”.
When your father and grandfather leave you and your brothers alone at the Manor…
Damian: *sees “52 missed calls” on his cellphone screen*
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: How irresponsible do they think we are?
Jason: *shrugs* Sometimes Alfred leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.
At the Watchtower…
Justice League: *watching surveillance, Youtube and news footage on the mainframe computer*
Batman: *walks into the room and sees Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Robin and Lark (and a bunch of burning buildings and screaming citizens) on the screen*
Superman: *arms crossed*
Wonder Woman: *hands on hips, shaking her head*
Aquaman: *raises an eyebrow*
The Flash: *wide-eyed*
Green Lantern: *biting his lip to suppress a smirk*
Cyborg: Wo-ho-hoooooo.
Batman: Hn.
Batman: Whatever they did, add it to my tab.
Batman: *walks out*
Batman: *looking around the Batcave for any sign of Nightwing*
Alfred: Master Dick’s having his hair blown out.
Batman: That’s a thing? That I pay for?
Dropping by the Manor to have a word with your adoptive father be like…
Red Hood: *slams the door behind him*
Red Hood: Did you hear any of that?
Arsenal: Uhhh… I understood “Crazy old bat”, “Go kill yourself”, then “I love you”.
Selina: I love Bruce, but I don’t know about him raising a child.
Dick: He raised me.
Selina: Well, now you’ve put me in an awkward position.
Bruce: Jason, I can forgive the smoking, but I can’t forgive the lie.
Alfred: *glares at Bruce*
Bruce: Or the smoking.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Alfred raised you both right.