When you invite the Super Family over for a “leisurely Sunday cookout"…
Bruce [to the Batkids]: This is a competition. We need to win it. Please do your jobs.
Dick: Bruce, please, don’t make this another comp…
Rest of the Batkids: YES FATHER!
Tag: bruce wayne
After a mission
Alfred: Very well, who got injured?
Tim: I’m fine.
Steph: I’m fine.
Damian: Tt. As if those low lifes could injure me.
Dick: Just a sprained wrist, I’ll be fine by tomorrow.
Jason: *holding his shoulder which looks suspiciously red*
Duke: *leg is also looking suspiciously red*
Duke and Jason: Gunshot buddies! *High five*
Bonus:
Bruce: *limping away towards the stairs, a trail of blood smeared behind him* I’m FiNe!
When you teach your sons how to be financially responsible and ask them to present an account of their expenses…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian *hand over haphazardly stacked pieces of paper*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: Most of these aren’t even receipts. This one says, “I bought a Robmobile, 2010″.
Red Robin: *crouching behind the giant coin in the Batcave*
Nightwing: *walks in*
Red Robin: *to his walkie-talkie* The Hug Machine is here. I repeat, the Hug Machine is here. Smiling on all cylinders.
The rest of the Batfamily: *temporarily stop brooding to find hiding places*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Dick tends to get in the way of angst and sadness.
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
When you invite the Super Family over for a “leisurely Sunday cookout"…
Bruce [to the Batkids]: This is a competition. We need to win it. Please do your jobs.
Superman: Bruce, admit it. You just can’t say no to anyone. That’s why you have eight kids.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
… And counting.
When asked about his daily routine…
Batman: Hn.
Batman: I go on patrol from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep for six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Alfred’s passive aggressive comments about my social life, then I’m off to Wayne Enterprises, fresh as a daisy.
Supervillain: *turns on light, sighs tiredly*
Batman: *sitting on a couch, his legs crossed, his fingers tented under his chin* Good morning. I’m glad you could be here.
Supervillain:
Supervillain: I live here.
Where are the manners Alfred taught you, Bruce?
Superman: *looking around the Batcave, amused* You know what your problem is? You’re a hoarder.
Batman: Yeah, a hoarder of truth.
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