Batman [to a criminal]: *gripping him tightly by the collar* You think you’ve got guts? Try raising my kids!
He’s… tired, Mr. Criminal.
Tag: bruce wayne
Batman: *lying on a gurney in the Batcave*
Superman: Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, Alfred?
Alfred: Hmm. Better let him rest up a while first.
Imagine: Dick listening as Bruce gives instructions, then noticing Jason and Damian sneaking into the Batmobile.
Good older brothers don’t tattle.
When you fall asleep during a mission briefing at the Watchtower and need to catch up…
Kid Flash: *nudges Kyle*
Green Lantern: *nudges Wally back*
Batman: *working on a case at the mainframe computer*
Kid Flash: *clears throat*
Green Lantern: Can I ask a follow-up question, Mr. Batman, Sir?
Batman: You’re about to leave through that window.
Green Lantern: I rescind my follow-up question.
At the Watchtower…
Batman and Superman: *watching footage of Nightwing fighting a horde of alien assassins in Blüdhaven*
Batman:
Batman: *walks away*
Superman: Where are you going? Dick needs our help.
Batman: He will be fine.
Superman: How do you know?
Batman: Because I trained him.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Batman, internally: Also, Clark, what makes you think that I’m not walking away to speak with Alfred in private and ask him to round up my other children to come help out their big brother, my eldest son?
Commissioner Gordon: *throws his hands up in frustration* It’s a theory!
Batman: *crouching on a gargoyle* It’s my gut.
Commissioner Gordon: Does your gut have any evidence we can bring to a prosecutor?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Don’t believe him, Jim. “Gut” actually stands for “I’ve done all the research humanly possible for this particular matter and I don’t have time to explain all of it to you right now. Plus, I really prefer to keep my work a secret.”
When you disobey a direct order from Batman…
Batman:
*stands up slowly from his chair and glares at Simon*
Hrrrn. Are you trying to get formidable on me, Lantern?
Green Lantern: I-It worked on H-Hal –
Batman: Infomercials work on Jordan.
Wonder Woman: I just hate to see you two guys fight.
Batman: *holding a kryptonite-lined batarang to Clark’s kiss curl and gasping for air* We’re not fighting.
Superman: *lifting Bruce by the throat and tilting his own head backwards* This isn’t fighting.
Bruce [about Damian]: I have no idea what’s gotten into him.
Alfred: Really? He reminds me of somebody else I know… Let’s see: He’s haughty, stubborn, temperamental, and loyal to a fault. He’s you, Bruce.
Bruce: That’s disturbingly insightful.
Teaming up for (yet another) case be like…
The Flash: *proudly dangling a piece of evidence he’d just found* You wanted a smoking gun? Chew on this!
Batman:
The Flash: *sheepishly rubbing his neck* Not that one chews on a gun. Kind of mixing metaphors there.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 