Damian: You know, I finally get why you and Father butted heads so much. You two are practically the same person. I mean, I worshipped the man, you know? I dressed like him, I acted like him, I listened to the same music. But you are more like him than I will ever be. I see that now.
Dick: I’ll take that as a compliment.
Damian: You can take it any way you want.
Tag: bruce wayne
Justice League membership deliberations…
Green Arrow [to Batman]: So, you know you can’t trust them, right? You know Red Hood and Arsenal are absurdly, irrationally, turbulently codependent on each other, right?
When you find out that one of the most dangerous criminal masterminds in the world has set up headquarters in Gotham City…
Red Robin: What should we do?
Nightwing: Stay away.
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Robin:
Nightwing: … Or, if we’re stupid, we go there and set up surveillance.
Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin and Robin: *immediately jump out of their seats and start grabbing their gear*
Me: *yells as they race out of the Batcave in their respective vehicles* Take care, boys! I’ll try to calm your father down when he gets back from the Watchtower!
Superman: *grabs a pair of swimming shorts from a duffel bag*
Superman: *starts removing his suit*
Superman: *pauses*
Batman: Hn.
Superman: *sighs*
Superman: We’re only on our third “the world is screwed” issue in, what, three years?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Yeah, Bruce. Live a little. Also, start packing. You need to teleport back to earth – preferably to the Caribbean – before sundown.
Jon: *observing Bruce, who’s talking to Dick* Is that your dad?
Damian: Both of them, yes.
An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
Batman: *glaring*
Booster Gold: *whispering from the corner of his mouth* I’ll stop talking.
Blue Beetle: *whispering back* Probably a good plan.
When your bestfriend accuses you of unnecessarily intimidating someone…
Superman: You say I have a face.
Batman: *scoffs*
Superman: You have a tone, and it says, “I’m gonna hit somebody.”
Why Batman disdains out-of-town supervillain lairs (or taking his sons with him all at once)…
Nightwing: Turkey farm?
Red Hood: No.
Red Robin: Skunks?
Red Hood: No.
Robin: Slaughterhouse?
Red Hood: No.
Catwoman: What are you boys doing back there?
Red Robin: We’re playing “What’s That Odor?”.
Robin: Father’s feet?
Batman: Hn. Damian.
Red Hood: You win, Dami.
Batman: Jason.
Nightwing: Are we there yet, Bruce?
Batman: I’ll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.
Why he sometimes regrets inviting colleagues to his kids’ recitals…
Bruce: *weeping with pride as Cass dances on stage* My daughter, my daughter…
Oliver: Come on, Bruce, she’s not that bad.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 