Batman: Where have you been?
Nightwing: Oh, I’m so sorry. Did I not scale down a ninety-foot cliff and run here with a piece of machinery strapped to my back fast enough for you?
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Commissioner Gordon: *lights a cigarette* First, the good news.
Batman: *perched on a gargoyle* Hn.
Commissioner Gordon: *takes a drag* Two of your sons are not locked up in jail.
Green: You’re like egg salad at a picnic, Bruce. Even when you look good, we know you’re going bad.
Have you not read “The Dark Knight Returns”, Hal? He still kicks some serious ass in his old age.
When your adoptive father asks you what he has to do to earn your forgiveness…
Red Hood: Look, Bruce, the least you can do is let me do anything I want.
Red Hood [about Batman]: He’s a hero all right. A hero sandwich full of bologna!
Superman: So all your sons are… ?
Batman: Undead.
Superman: Bruce, I hope this isn’t too personal but… is that a human heartbeat I’m hearing or are you just happy to see me?
Bruce: Have I ever told you that you’re my favorite Robin?
Dick: Bruuuuce. Come on!
Bruce: I think instinctively you must know…
Dick: I mean, it’s like…
Bruce: I mean you’ve gotten away with everything…
Dick: *giggles* Bruce, you don’t have to say that…
Bruce: You’ll always be my little bo–
Door: *thud thud thud*
Batman: *muffled* Nightwing, get up. It’s time for patrol.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And it had been such a nice dream, too.
When Batman’s sons come over to your city and you hear about it at work…
Lois: Hey, Smallville. There are a few developments. You might want to make some room on the front page.
Clark: *raises an eyebrow*
No need to worry, Superman. It’s just your nephews wreaking havoc on some Gotham City criminals who thought they could hide out in Metropolis.
Amanda: Mr. Red Hood, is it? “I did it for my daddy” is not an excuse for treason.
In which Batman excuses himself in the middle of a Justice League meeting to make a few calls. Like a father called to the Principal’s Office.
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