Angst, a summary…
Arsenal: You can either go or help me.
Red Hood: Okay, I’ll go.
Arsenal: Okay, but before you go, can you help me?
Tag: big brother of the year
Batman: *enters the Batcave, half-naked in a singed and tattered Batsuit*
Batman: *heads directly to the Batcomputer, limping, dripping blood on the ground*
Nightwing:
Red Robin:
Robin:
Alfred:
Red Hood: Did you get in a tickle fight with Edward Scissorhands?
Entering Robin’s room be like…
Jason: *whispering* It’s quiet.
Tim: *hissing* Of course it’s quiet. It’s a trap.
Damian: *a pair of narrowed eyes in the shadows*
Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *whistling while turning on the stove and beating eggs in a bowl*
Red Robin: *comes in through the kitchen window, bruised, tattered, and dripping blood*
Red Robin: Jay! I lost Damian! What am I going to do?!
Jason: Uhhhh. Don’t worry. Don’t worry. *looks around the kitchen in panic* Know what I’m going to do? I’m going to make you an omelet.
Red Robin: Just help me look for him!
Jason: Are you sure? I make ‘em with four kinds of cheese.
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend, Roy!
Arsenal: *cupping his ear* Wha–? I’m sorry, Jaybird, I couldn’t hear you.
Red Hood: I said that you just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: *slowly walking away* Huh?
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: Dude, you’re going to have to speak up!
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend, Harper!
Arsenal: I’ve forced myself to wha– ?
Red Hood: *positively yelling* You just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: Jason, I’ll talk to you tomorrow!
Red Hood: You just lost yourself a best friend!
Arsenal: Yeah, you can use it!
Damian [on the Comm Link]: Todd, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Red Hood: *reloading his guns while hiding behind barrels as bullets whizz past him* Uh, isn’t this the kind of thing Alfred’s better at?
Damian: I called him. He’s not home. I also tried Father, Grayson, Drake, Brown, Thomas, and the Commissioner, Barbara’s father.
Red Hood: *twisting a criminal’s arm and throwing another across the wall* Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.
Tim: *whispering* What’s your hurry?
Jason: *grabbing his leather jacket and kicking three-day-old garbage underneath the sofa* This place is depressing.
Dick: *yelling from the kitchen* Hey! I live here!
Jason: *yelling back* And I’m sure it’s a blast once you get used to it!
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Maybe if you cleaned up once in a while before these family visits, Nightwing…
Teaching your older brother an ancient form of meditation sacred to a line of assassins be like…
Damian: I want you to shut off the logical part of your mind.
Jason: Okay.
Damian: Embrace nothingness.
Jason: You got it.
Damian: Become like an uncarved stone.
Jason: Done.
Damian: Todd! You’re just pretending to know what I’m talking about!
Jason: True.
Damian: -Tt- It’s very frustrating!
Jason: I’ll bet.
Mornings at the Batcave…
Tim: *downing a cup of espresso* Okay, we all know why we’re here, right?
Dick: *still in just boxer shorts, yawning and shaking his head*
Jason: *groans* No. Why?
Tim: To fight Damian, the bully. That tiny tween has been tormenting all of us for years, and I for one am sick of it! I can’t promise you victory. I can’t promise you good times. But the one thing I do know –
Dick and Jason: *head back to the Manor*
Tim: Whoa! Whoa! I promise you victory! I promise you good times!
When your eldest brother asks you to look after his Blüdhaven apartment while he’s away on a mission…
Red Robin: Oh, come on, Dick’s a grown man. He can take care of himself.
Red Hood: *opens the refrigerator to reveal a bottle of curdy milk, a half-eaten sandwich, and a bowl of soggy Cheerios*
Red Hood: *looking unimpressed* You really believe that?
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