Tag: big brother of the year

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tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber  

Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –

Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?

Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*

Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –

Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?

Batman: Hrrrn.

Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.

Red Robin: *wakes up with a jolt* Huh, what, where am I? Who are you?!

Driver: Sir, I’m your driver and you’re in an Uber that you booked…?

Red Robin: Oh. *relaxes into his seat, staining it further with the blood dripping from his suit*

Driver: *eyeing him through the rear view mirror* Costume party, huh?

Red Robin: *thinking about how patrol went and chuckling* Clowns, shrinks, hyenas… You name it.

Driver: Sounds wild.

Red Robin: *yawning* Yuppp yup yup.

Driver: Also, I just want to make sure, because it says here on the map that I’m supposed to drop you at *zooms the location in* a garbage dumpsite…?

Red Robin: Yeah, don’t worry about. *shuts his eyes and goes back to sleep*

At Gotham Academy…

Damian: *glares at the driver through the rear view mirror*

Driver: *shifts uncomfortably in his seat*

Damian: You’re not Pennyworth.

Driver: Uh, excuse me, Sir?

Damian: *narrows his eyes and whispers in his ear* He told me he’d pick me up. So why. Aren’t you. Pennyworth.

Driver: I don’t, uh, I’m not – Sir, I just – *shaking, sweating, and about to hit the call button after dialling “911”*

Damian: That won’t be necessary.

Damian: *gets out of the car and dials a number*

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ •~

Alfred [on the phone]: *chopping vegetables* Master Damian, I understand you’re upset, but it’s time you learned other means of transpor– Oh, oh, dear. I apologize, my dear boy. No, you were not being abandoned, I just thought– Shh, shhh. No more crying. I’m on my way. [*click*]

Red Hood: *takes off his helmet, adjusts his domino mask, and lights up a cigarette*

Driver: Sir, that’s not –

Red Hood: *blows smoke out of a window and offers him a stick* Want one?

Driver: No, it’s, it’s fine. *gulps* Thank you.

Red Hood: You seen any penguins lately?

Driver: Penguins… Like, the ones at the zoo?

Red Hood: No. Suspicious ones.

Driver: I, um… don’t think so.

Red Hood: *puts his cigarette out and flicks it into a garbage bin they pass* Just drop me off at that bar right there.

Driver: Are you sure? Because it says on the map that we’re still half a mile away from The Daily Planet –

Red Hood: *reloading a gun and muttering to himself while looking intensely out the of the window* There you are, you piece of filth. Hiding out in Metropolis like the coward that you are –

Driver: *gulps as he eyes him through the rear view mirror*

Red Hood: *hands a hundred dollar bill to the driver, then pats him on the shoulder* Thanks, man.

Driver: *gets a jolt as he hears the door slam shut* You’re welcome, Sir… Rason Rodd.