Imagine: Dick listening as Bruce gives instructions, then noticing Jason and Damian sneaking into the Batmobile.
Good older brothers don’t tattle.
Tag: big brother of the year
Red Hood: *horrified, slowly backing away from the rest of the Batfamily*
Red Hood: One near-death experience and you go all warm and cuddly on me?!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
First of all, near-death? Well, they’ve seen you go through death-death, so. Secondly, come on. Admit it, Jay. You’re horrified at how much you appreciate it.
Post-patrol Movie Night at the Manor…
Now Showing: “Under the Red Hood” (2010)
Red Robin: Are you… crying?
Red Hood: *vigorously wiping away his tears using Tim’s cape* What are you, a robot? It’s a deeply emotional movie!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Oh, sorry, did it say “movie”? I meant family home video.
When your youngest brother wants to show you his appreciation…
Dick: You’re giving us… stickers?
Damian: Not just any sticker. Those are stickers of a kitty saying, “Me-wow!”.
Tim: We’re not preschoolers.
Damian: Fine, I’ll take them all back.
Jason: I earned this! Back off!
Red Hood: *struggling to disarm motion-triggered, exploding handcuffs with a lock-pick*
Red Robin: *swiftly removes his handcuffs once the henchman leaves the room and starts working on Jason’s*
Red Hood: What th-
Red Robin: Remember when you called me a “nerd” before? Get ready to apologize.
Jason [about Damian]: The kid’s a smart-ass!
Alfred: *muttering* Takes one to know one.
Arsenal: You know what, partner? We can get on a plane right now and settle this.
Red Hood: That is why I love you, buddy. You’re always willing to risk both our lives at any given moment.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
To be fair, “Jaybird”, that seems to go both ways.
After a mission
Alfred: Very well, who got injured?
Tim: I’m fine.
Steph: I’m fine.
Damian: Tt. As if those low lifes could injure me.
Dick: Just a sprained wrist, I’ll be fine by tomorrow.
Jason: *holding his shoulder which looks suspiciously red*
Duke: *leg is also looking suspiciously red*
Duke and Jason: Gunshot buddies! *High five*
Bonus:
Bruce: *limping away towards the stairs, a trail of blood smeared behind him* I’m FiNe!
Undercover mission at a Gotham City home for the elderly…
Tim: *whispering* I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to have a weapon in a place full of old people.
Jason: *whispering back* Literally everything is a weapon, Tim. These dentures in my hand are far deadlier than that staff on your back.
When you teach your sons how to be financially responsible and ask them to present an account of their expenses…
Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian *hand over haphazardly stacked pieces of paper*
Bruce: Hn.
Bruce: Most of these aren’t even receipts. This one says, “I bought a Robmobile, 2010″.
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