Jason [to Tim]: This is an official apology. I’m a horrible person and I’m sorry. What I did was horrible, even by our standards. And, let’s face it, we’ve set the bar very low.
Tag: big brother of the year
Roy [to Jason]: Apparently, the difference between a stink bomb and a Level 3 toxic biohazard is two extra drops of sulfur tetraoxide.
Roy: I am totally suing that website.
When Batman (inexplicably) asks Hellblazer to watch over his sons while he’s away on a mission…
Nightwing: *comes in through the front door of the Manor*
Hellblazer: Ah, the Golden Boy has returned. Release the doves!
Nightwing: Hi, Mr. Constantine.
Red Hood: *breaks a window in the foyer and climbs in*
Hellblazer: And you must be the second Robin. I have been thoroughly briefed on you and if you do one thing wrong, I’m going to go medieval on your arse.
Kori: Have either of you ever made a decision in your lives?
Roy: Of course we make decisions! How do you think I’m wearing clothes right now?
Jason: I lay those out for you, Roy.
Nightwing: *fidgeting with his suit, stretching the fabric in, um, certain places*
Red Hood: Just suck in your gut.
Nightwing: What gut?
Red Hood: The little pouch where you keep Alfred’s cookies.
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Nightwing: *pouts and backflips away*
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Not cool, Li’l Wing. Not cool.
At the safe house…
Doorbell: *buzzes*
Jason: *sighs* It’s Morse code. It’s Damian.
Roy: How do you know?
Jason: Because the doorbell just said, “It’s me, morons”.
Roy: *heads to the door* I’ll get it –
Jason: *holds him back and shushes him* No, no. Wait for it.
Doorbell: *buzz buzz … buzz buzz buzz*
Roy: What? Why? Might be the pizza.
Jason: Shh shh. Trust me.
Doorbell: *buzzzzz*
Roy: Jay –
Doorbell: *buuuuzzzz buzz buzz*
Jason: Hey, want some breakfast?
Roy: Dude, the door –
Jason: *grabs him and leads him to the kitchen* Come on, I’ll make pancakes.
~ ~ ~ 30 minutes later ~ ~ ~
Doorbell: *BUZZZZZZZZZ*
Jason: *chuckling* Ha. Knew it.
Roy: *burps* We’re really just gonna ignore that?
Jason: *wiping his mouth* It’s Morse code. It’s Damian.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Let’s just say Jason wanted to hear everything Damian had to say first, @remakethestars .
As a kid I attempted to ship my sister to Egypt. Even tricked her into getting into the box. The only thing stopping me was a lack of stamps and adults taking me seriously. How many times do you think any of the BatKids tried something like that to each other?
Me: Here’s the thing… We’re talking about the Batkids here… They’ve got the brains, the resources, the gall, and an adoptive father who’s basically just stopped caring after the nth successful atte–
Dick: *from one end of the hall, talking on the phone* Uh, yes, is this Wayne Airlines? Yeah, I’m calling regarding a box that’s currently on one of your flights. It should be big enough to fit a teenager. Uh, yeah, hold on *covers the mouthpiece* Jason, which flight was it?
Jason: *yelling from the other end of the hall* Over my dead-again body, Dick.
Dick: *on the phone* Yeah, um, can you give me just a second?
Dick: *heads over to Damian on the other side of the room* Little D, come on, I need to know where Tim is before Bruce gets home.
Damian: *painting a portrait of Titus* Two words, Grayson. Social. Distancing.
Jason: *yelling* He’s finally getting uninterrupted sleep, Dickie!
Dick: You can’t keep sending Tim overseas for that reason –
Damian: That’s true, that’s why we send him for other reasons, too –
Jason: Shhhh!!! Alfred’s coming!
Dick: That’s it. I’m tell– *gets tackled to the ground by Damian*
Jason: *picks up the phone* Uh, yeah, sorry about that. Turns out I had the wrong airline. K, thanks, bye!
Me: So, um, yeah, @rosebloodwater .
Sometime during the “Under the Hood” story arc when all of Gotham City’s top criminals are cursing at him for ruining their operations…
Red Hood: Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present: Man Not Caring.
Red Hood: *points at self*
Red Hood: Roy, I owe you an apology.
Red Hood: Obviously I was unclear when I said, “Stay in the room and keep an eye on the supervillain”. It must have sounded like, “Leave and do other things”.
Dick: Cass is killing me! I’m telling you, I cannot beat this woman no matter what I try. She’s like a ninja, but worse.
Tim: Nothing’s worse than a ninja. They’re masters of every style of combat.
Damian: Can we please talk about something other than Cain?
Barbara: I think you should give Cass a break. You know, it’s really hard being a woman around here. You can walk through walls and nobody notices you.
Jason: Not entirely unlike a… ninja.
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