Dick: *ticking things off his list* Batstagram announcement, posted… Cereal cupcakes, ordered… Bouncy Bat Castle from Wayne Tech, specifically blue, in production… Bat signal care of Commissioner Gordon, en route… Floral arrangements care of Ivy… Oh!
Dick: Bruce, can I invite some of the rogues?
Bruce: *grunts*
>>> *** <<<
Dick: I have to say, yours is gonna a be a bit challenging, Little Wing, but I still think we should go for it.
Jason: …
Dick: *counting with his fingers* There’s your birthday-birthday… Then the day Bruce took you in after you tried to steal his wheels… Then when he adopted you… Then the day you… Well, that day… Do you think we should include that? Or is that awkward? We could always just skip to you coming back to life, which is definitely worth celeb–
Jason: For the last time, Dick, get out of my room! *slams the bathroom door* I’m trying to take a dump in here!
Dick: Awkward it is.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *sitting at the foot of Tim’s bed* So, I was thinking, we could maybe get a thousand drones… Oh. No, that’s… a bit inappropriate. Nooo drones. *scratching “drones that form the words “Happy Adoption Day, Tim!” off his list* Well, we could just ask Kon to whoosh into the lawn –
Dick: *sketching* I mean, can you already picture it, Little D? I’m not that good at drawing stuff, but check this out. *shows his sketch to Damian*
Damian: *looking unimpressed* And what’s that supposed to be?
Dick: That’s the playroom turned into a lab! Since you weren’t technically adopted or birthed or whatever, I thought we’d celebrate that time you were in the “womb”. *goes back to sketching* I mean, we could even borrow some of Selina’s cats to make it more festive.
Dick: *grinning proudly* Schway, right? *looks up from his BatPad*
Dick: Where’d he go?
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *rubs his neck sheepishly* Look, Cass, it’s okay if you’re not up to it, but I just thought maybe…
Cass: *smiles brightly, claps her hands excitedly, and hugs Dick* I’m up to it! I’ve got some ideas of my own!
>>> *** <<<
Dick: What do you think, Alf? Can we pull it all off?
Alfred: Master Dick, while it may increase your father’s white hairs, I do think we don’t celebrate enough in this family.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Yeah, but he also wants his siblings to celebrate their “special days”, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for the suggestion!
You can check out my answer on a-wayne-at-heart-too (which I intend to be my main page for Asks), but I’ll be reblogging it here, too. Once again, thanks for another fun Ask, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . 🙂
Damian: *yelling from across the hall* I’d punish you for that tasteless comment, Drake!
Damian: But… -Tt- It’s admittedly not easy from this far.
Damian: Just… Just don’t get sick, okay?
Tim: *grinning* Didn’t realize you cared.
Damian: Shut up! Or I’ll send my cat to do the job for me! *slams his bedroom door shut*
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *rolls his eyes, not looking up from his laptop* Cass, I know you’re there.
Cass: *hangs upside down from the ceiling* Oh, sorry! I forgot my ballet shoes in one of the gym bags I borrowed from you –
Tim: Yeah, but you don’t have to crawl on my ceiling. You only need to be at least six feet away, not six feet above.
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *walks past Jason in the kitchen, unintentionally brushing against his arm*
Red Hood: Are you crazy, Tim?! I just came from patrol! Crane? Nygma? Who knows what I brought home with me! At least give me time to wear my mask first, it’s got a filter and everything. *fumbles with his pockets, finds his nontoxic sanitizer and sprays Tim with it* Shoo! Scat! No, you know what? You’ve got to eat to get stronger, so – MOVE! *tries his darndest not to brush against him*
Red Hood: *mumbling to himself as he walks away* What was I thinking? I shouldn’t have come here!
>>> *** <<<
Tim: *sends a text message* Wanna hang out?
Steph: *replies* Babe, what part of me trying to save your life don’t you get?
>>> *** <<<
Duke: *kicking*He shoots, he scores!
Tim: *watches in agony as the ball goes past him and into the goal*
Duke: *pumps his fist in the air* YEEEEESSSSS! 1-0 in favor of Thomas!
Tim: *offers to bump fists* Good game, my man. But maybe next time we play something else? Maybe some D&D?
Duke: *bumps fists with him* Haha! Or maybe you should just practice your soccer moves.
Tim: See ya around, Duke.
Duke: *doffs an imaginary hat* Take care, dude. Till a real game.
Tim: *turns off his hologram generator*
>>> *** <<<
Barbara [e-mail]:Here’s a list of every possible article (that isn’t fake) about this disease. You don’t need to cross-reference them since I already did that (duh), but you could if you’re bored. I’ve also got previously unreleased intel from S.T.A.R. Labs, and by “got”, of course I meant “hacked” –
Tim: *shuts his laptop and chuckles to himself* Already got ‘em, Babs.
>>> *** <<<
Dick: *knocking on Tim’s bedroom door* Hey, Tim? Buddy? Are you feeling okay? I could call Dr. Thompkins if…
Tim [from inside the room]: *working on some cold cases* I’m fine, Dick.
Dick: Okay, well… I’m sorry you can’t have dinner with us right now. Alf offered to bring your food up for you. We just wanna make sure nothing happens to you, you know?
Tim: *sighs* I know, Dick.
Dick: … We miss you.
Tim: … I miss you, too, Dick.
>>> *** <<<
Bruce: Don’t. Remove. It.
Tim: *struggling to walk while wearing a state-of-the-art Bubble Bat Boy suit, which automatically assembles gliding pads on its feet* This is ridiculous, Bruce –
Bruce: Not as ridiculous as my allowing you to risk your life.
Tim: Really? Now you worry about me risking my –
Bruce: *clears his throat roughly* Like I said, until that vaccine from Wayne R&D passes every single testing phase, you’re staying in that thing and at home.
Tim: *groans*
>>> *** <<<
Later at the Wayne Manor rooftop…
Kon: Wow.
Tim: *in his bubble suit* I know, right?
Kon: *pokes at the bubble, which generates a force field in reaction* So, when are you gonna tell ‘em?
Tim: *adjusts the IV line supplying him liquid caffeine* About the spleen I grew in the Titans lab using stolen Cadmus tech?
Kon: Well, yeah.
Tim: Ehhh… *shrugs* Maybe when I get really tired of this suit. Besides… it’s been quiet. Almost peaceful. I’m still enjoying all of it.
Tim: Alfred knows, though. He performed the surgery. Helps me get out of this thing when I want to go on patrol.
Kon: Huh.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
I guess you could say that, @tenaciouspeacesandwich . Thanks for this ask!
BaTube video titled “The Blood Son’s Vlog #352”: *buffering*
Damian (wtih a BatPro camera strapped to his forehead, giving first-person POV): *muffled sounds, lens zooming in and out*
Damian: *camera shakes slightly as he walks around* Hello. I’m Damian Wayne, the Blood Son. I’m here at Stately Wayne Manor. Forgive me if I haven’t been posting videos as of late. I’ve been very busy – *Duke’s voice in the background: “I can’t tonight, Jefferson. It’s family patrol night with the Bats. Yup, Cass’s coming with us. We’re gonna kick some criminal bu–*” *clears throat loudly* Ignore that.
[CUT]
Damian: So, I received a question from *scrolling through Tumblr* “ @dangerous-doodle ” asking me how many pets I really have. Let me commend you for the excellent question. Many of my fans think they know all of my pets, but today I will finally reveal the truth. Allow me to show you.
[CUT]
Damian: *opens the door to his room and gestures to the cat on his king-sized bed* Alfred.
Alfred: *kneading the comforter, then suddenly claws violently at the camera*
[CUT]
Damian: *reaches the bottom of the stairs and walks into the front parlor* Ace and Titus.
Ace: *playfully chewing Titus’ ear* Rowrrrrr…
Titus: *pins Ace to the floor* Ruff! Ruff ruff!
Damian: *gives them a thumbs up* They say hi.
[CUT]
Damian: *enters the playroom and dodges a tennis ball* -Tt-
Jon: *waves to the camera* Hey, guys!
Damian: As always, my colleague Jon –
Jon: *makes a disgusted face* Colleague? Don’t you mean Super Best Bud?
Damian: *watching Jon and Krypto play catch while flying*
Damian: *in a low voice* It pains me to break the kid’s heart, but Krypto actually likes me more –
Jon: *catching the ball before it goes through a Wayne family portrait* Super hearing, remember?
[CUT]
Damian: *sitting cross-legged on a mound of hay, with Jerry the Turkey nestled in between his legs and Bat-Cow’s head resting on his thigh*
Damian: *caressing them* Can you keep a secret? This is where I hang out when I want to get away from everyone else in the Manor. To be alone. With Jerry and Bat-Cow, of course. Father built this barn for me, but I’ve put a passcode so that no one else can –
Bat-Cow: *farts*
Damian: *gasping for air*
[CUT]
Damian: *heads to the pool area* Over there, you’ll see my duck, Drake. He’s quite the swimmer.
Tim: *splashing water onto the camera* Get away, Brat!
Steph: *watching from a pool chair, cackling* He’s not wrong, though!
[CUT]
Camera: *shows the automated garage door slowly opening*
Damian: *whispers* I knew it’d be here…
Damian: Meet my fire-breathing dragon, Todd.
Jason: *lights up a cigarette, takes a drag, then blows smoke at the camera* Sup?
Damian: *coughs* Incredibly, incredibly *coughs* rude. I wonder why Father still chooses to keep him.
[CUT]
Camera: *violent shaking, sounds of a struggle, red everywhere*
Damian: Sit! I said SIT!
Damian: *wipes sweat off his forehead, then stands up and moves away to show the entirety of a sulking Goliath*
Damian: And here *panting* is my sweet, sweet *glares at Goliath* baby. If you thought he were to be feared, then you’d be right. *wipes his eyes tiredly and snuggles up against Goliath* He sure is *yawns* cuddly, though… *light snoring*
Camera: *focused on Goliath’s nose, causing the lens to fog up with every breath*
[CUT]
Damian: *enters a cave, with hay and red fur all over his clothes* Is he here?
Barbara: *not looking up from her laptop* Are you doing one of your vlogs again?
Damian: -Tt- Yes! Now, where is he?
Barbara: *smirking* Why do you wanna know? And why do you sound nervous?
Damian: *scoffs* I’m not nervo–
Dick: *lifts Damian from behind, then turns the teenager to face his belly for a tight hug*
Camera: *smooshing, pitch-black*
Dick: *muffled* Gotchaaaa!
Damian: *muffled* G-graysooon, gerofff meee –
Dick: *loosens his hold*
Damian: *sprints away*
Dick: Hey, where’re you going, Little D?
Damian: *stopping to catch his breath* That was… *exhales slowly* the Hug Monster. An awfully impulsive and aggressive pet.
[CUT]
Camera [second-person POV]: *Damian emptying cans of gourmet pet food into different bowls handed to him by Alfred the Butler*
Damian: And there you have it. My home is crawling with pets. Some are harder to care for than others, but perhaps that’s for another time. Thanks for watching. This is The Blood Son, signing off –
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 