Tag: alfred pennyworth

dead-birbs-tell-no-tails:

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

DANCE INSTRUCTORS

Dick

  • A lot of different styles, but mostly contempo or jazz
  • Daily outfits range from booty shorts to harem pants
  • Mind-blowing fluidity (and that he’s so easy to look at and utterly approachable is just the cherry on top)

Jason

  • Capoeira (or any style that’s close to a martial art)
  • Free sessions especially held for street kids (with Batburger meals on his tab if they choose to hang out afterwards)
  • Encourages students to embrace their individuality in self-expression

Tim

  • “I said a hip hop, hippie to the hippie, the hip, hip a hop, and you don’t stop, a rock it out”
  • Co-instructs with Cass, who’ll teach ballet from time to time
  • Makes sure to emphasize discipline as much as he does fun

Damian

  • Traditional dances from all over the world (like the Arabian Dabke) – recital-level costumes included
  • Yoga as warm-up (preferrably the one that involves goats)
  • “Water breaks are for the weak”

Who teaches pole dancing?

Alfred: *referring to a dusty pole dancing kit that he just retreived from the ancient Wayne Manor attic* Master Bruce, where would you like this installed?

Bruce: Hn. The training room.

Alfred: *wistful* What were you, 18? 20? I forget.

Bruce: It’s been a while, yes. And it’s time my children learned how to use it, too. The skills are definitely transferrable to combat.

Alfred: Well, I’m certain Master Dick has an idea, but carry on. And, please, keep it decent.

Who, indeed, @dead-birbs-tell-no-tails .

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…

Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –

Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*

Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*

Tim: *wakes up*

Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*

Bruce: *freezes up*

Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.

Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…

Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.

Me: *blinks*

Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –

Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*

Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?

Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–

Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*

Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?

Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?

Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –

Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –

Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*

Me: Did I say something wrong?

Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*

Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?

Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?

Me: Well –

Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –

Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*

Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –

Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –

Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*

Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!

Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Alfred: *walks into the room*

Room: *falls silent*

Alfred: No dessert for all of you.

Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*

Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…

Me: *blinks*

Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*

The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!

Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.

Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

#TBT with ❤

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

At the Watchtower…

Batman and Superman: *watching footage of Nightwing fighting a horde of alien assassins in Blüdhaven*

Batman:

Batman: *walks away*

Superman: Where are you going? Dick needs our help.

Batman: He will be fine.

Superman: How do you know?

Batman: Because I trained him.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

Batman, internally: Also, Clark, what makes you think that I’m not walking away to speak with Alfred in private and ask him to round up my other children to come help out their big brother, my eldest son?

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When he’s told that it’s his responsibility to mentor Conner…

Clark: Why can’t Bruce do it? He’s great with kids, especially when they’re not really his.

Meanwhile…

Bruce: *dialling Alfred’s number*

Bruce: Alfred? Hn.

Bruce: Fine, I owe you twenty dollars. Please prepare Dick’s old roo– All ready, huh? Of course.