#a Mess.
Tag: alfred pennyworth
Tim: *mimicking SpongeBob’s voice* Thaaat’s right, ‘cause in this family you gotsa do your chores!
Jason: *scrubbing spray paint off the Batmobile while watching Alfred from the corner of his eye* Stop saying stupid stuff and come help!
Next time you wanna redesign your armor, maybe don’t do it beside The Car, ayt?
Why it sometimes takes forever for Batman’s sons to finish their meals (much to Alfred’s chagrin)…
Robin: *staring at a utensil on the dining table* All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon.
– • – • – • – • –
This is me going out on a limb here and assuming that this family still takes the time to eat.
When your grandsons, in an effort to step out of their father’s shadow, get an apartment of their own…
Nightwing’s uniform: *splayed on the couch along with Dick’s hair products and smelly socks*
Red Hood’s weapons: *lying in wait for someone to accidentally trip on them*
Red Robin’s coffee: *spilled all over the dining table – which also doubles as Tim’s makeshift bed – and his laptop*
Robin’s pets: *walking in and out of the bathroom, soaking wet*
Alfred: *looking around with a deadpan-but-clearly disappointed look on his face*
Alfred: *clears his throat as he steps over a fallen garbage can on the floor*
Alfred: Who washes the dishes?
Jason: *defensively raising his hands in front of his face* Nobody washes the dishes! We eat the food directly off the coffee table and you know it!
In the Batmobile, heading home…
Batman: How long until we intercept Alfred?
Nightwing: Three minutes.
Batman: We run every red light.
Meanwhile, at the Manor…
Alfred: *preparing to make the dreaded cucumber sandwiches as a post-patrol snack *
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
To learn more about these “cukewiches”, check out Trinity (2008) #10 and Batman (2016) #16.
Bruce [about Clark]: He makes me feel so small!
Alfred: Well, who cares what he thinks? You’re Batman! You’re a grown man!
Alfred: Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I’m going to be very disappointed in you.
Alfred [to Dick]: Master Bruce’s whole personality is based around guarding himself. You don’t have to be like that to be a man.

meirl
Imagine: Damian watching Tim (or, well, vice versa) explain himself to Bruce, Alfred, or Dick (while Jason just munches on popcorn and watches it all go down).
Bruce, Dick, Tim and Alfred: *run into Jason’s bedroom after hearing a scuffle from upstairs*
Jason: *has Damian pinned to the wall*
Damian: *choking Jason*
Jason: *struggling to talk* Nothing to be alarmed about, people. It’s just a man pointing a bull tranquilizer at his little brother.
In the Batmobile, heading home…
Batman: How long until we intercept Alfred?
Nightwing: Three minutes.
Batman: We run every red light.
Meanwhile, at the Manor…
Alfred: *preparing to make the dreaded cucumber sandwiches as a post-patrol snack *
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
To learn more about these “cukewiches”, check out Trinity (2008) #10 and Batman (2016) #16.







