Tag: alfred pennyworth

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Red Hood: *leans on a wall and slides down into a cross-legged, sitting position*

Red Hood: *checks his watch, sighs, puts down his binoculars and taps a foot impatiently against the rooftop floor* 

Red Hood: *takes out his phone, opens incorrect-batfamily-quotes on Tumblr and scrolls through the “big brother of the year” tag*

Red Hood: *chuckles* I would totally do that. *browses* Yup, Timbo needs to sleep. *checks out the comments* That’s… nice. *looks to the sky as if he could use it to talk to someone from another Earth* Thanks… whoever you are. *scrunches his nose* And apparently… there’s a lot of you who think that I’m not too bad…

Red Hood: *gets up in a half a second flat, guns drawn*

Red Robin: *holding his hands up in surrender* Relax, relax. It’s just me.

Black Bat: *soundlessly stepping out of a dark corner* And me.

Nightwing: *hanging upside down and covering the eyeholes on Jason’s helmet* Aaaaand your favorite older brother.    

Red Hood: *peeling Dick’s blue-striped fingers off* Look, I don’t give a bat’s butt what the old man said, I’m taking this case –

Robin: *jumps down from behind a gargoyle and throws his hands up in frustration* What took you so long, Todd?! This whole day has been wasted waiting for you!

Red Hood: – gonna freakin’ bring down those lowlives who took Kori no matter what it – Wait, wait. What exactly is going on here?

Nightwing: *smiling excitedly* There is no case, Little Wing.

Red Hood: I don’t –    

Spoiler: *swings in from a nearby rooftop* Is he here? Did he buy – Oh, hey, Jay! Starfire’s giggling her orange-y, little head off watching you right now. *points to a hidden camera in a crevice* 

Red Hood: WHAT? But the leads –

Red Robin: Were made up. I hacked into your personal satellite. Sent some signals here and there, bada-bing-bada-boom.

Red Hood: How is all this even – I can’t – How’d you guys get past me? 

Batgirl: *rappelling from the Batjet with Duke* Because we helped them, duh. It was the only way to get you to come here today.

Red Hood: *takes his helmet off and rubs his face in utter confusion* I followed those leads for three weeks! I mean, Artemis and Bizarro –  

Artemis: *lands on the rooftop on Bizarro’s back, shrugs and hands her sword to Damian, who greedily grabs it* Just pretended to be pissed that you had to leave for your “mission”.

Bizarro: We not sad Red Him gone!                     

The Signal: So does he mean he was or… ?

Red Hood: If this is some kind of *doing air-quotation marks* intervention, you tell that arrogant, self-righteous, emotionally –

Batman: – inept, leather-clad furry that it won’t work.

Red Hood:

Batman: I’d like to give it a try anyway.

Red Hood: But we… we’re supposed to… we hate each other…

Batman: *grins and ruffles Jason’s hair* Hn. Don’t believe everything you read, kid.

Red Hood: *grins sheepishly back*

The Signal: *looks around for secret passageways on the rooftop and whispers to Tim* Where’d the boss even come from?

Alfred [on the Comm Link]: *clears his throat loudly* If you’re all quite finished, the rest of your family and friends – *muffled* Mr. Harper, once again, that vase is a family heirloom and was never intended for target practice – are waiting.

Batman: Let’s get you home.

Red Hood: Right. I’m starving.

Alfred: Please do hurry up. The candles can only stay up for so long.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I hope I’m not too late… Happy birthday, Jay!                   

Not his birthday, but… Just missed the fluff.