Tag: alfred pennyworth

Bruce [about Clark]: He makes me feel so small!

Alfred: Well, who cares what he thinks? You’re Batman! You’re a grown man!

Alfred: Now take your nap. And if I see the lights on in here, I’m going to be very disappointed in you. 

Bruce trying to get sensitive information about a case from Dick…

Dick: I will tell you on six conditions. Number one, you let me use the Batcave to practice my dance moves. Second –

Bruce: How about this? If you tell me, I won’t have you suspended by Alfred without allowance.

Dick: Oh, that sounds great.

Jake: Boyle, I need to throw away this piece of paper and I can’t move my body.

Boyle: On it, Jakey, it’s show time. Here we go. I love this. We’re like Batman and Alfred.

Rosa: You’d rather be Alfred than Robin?

Boyle: He has access to the Bat Cave and, plus, he gets to drive all Batman’s girlfriends home and dish.

Jake: Doy.

From: BROOKLYN NINE-NINE

After being infected with Scarecrow’s fear toxin…

Red Hood [on the Comm Link with Batman and Alfred]: I didn’t run away from home! I’m a grown man! Whose 15-year-old self was murdered in front of his very eyes! So excuse me for needing some time to grieve!

Alfred: Master Timothy, here are two pictures. One is your closet; the other is a garbage dump in Blüdhaven. Can you guess which is which?

Tim: *points at one* That one’s the dump?

Alfred: They’re both your closet.

Tim: *sheepishly* Gah, I should’ve guessed that. *to his brothers* He’s good!

a-wayne-at-heart:

After taking down a group of thugs…

Batman: I was trying to shield you. Do you know how much stress I’ve been under lately? My butler says he hasn’t seen me smile in weeks.

Commissioner Jim Gordon: How much did you smile before that?

Batman: Constantly.

And somewhere back at the Manor, Alfred chokes on his tea.