Tag: alfred pennyworth

As a kid I attempted to ship my sister to Egypt. Even tricked her into getting into the box. The only thing stopping me was a lack of stamps and adults taking me seriously. How many times do you think any of the BatKids tried something like that to each other?

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Me: Here’s the thing… We’re talking about the Batkids here… They’ve got the brains, the resources, the gall, and an adoptive father who’s basically just stopped caring after the nth successful atte–

Dick: *from one end of the hall, talking on the phone* Uh, yes, is this Wayne Airlines? Yeah, I’m calling regarding a box that’s currently on one of your flights. It should be big enough to fit a teenager. Uh, yeah, hold on *covers the mouthpiece* Jason, which flight was it?

Jason: *yelling from the other end of the hall* Over my dead-again body, Dick.

Dick: *on the phone* Yeah, um, can you give me just a second?

Dick: *heads over to Damian on the other side of the room* Little D, come on, I need to know where Tim is before Bruce gets home.

Damian: *painting a portrait of Titus* Two words, Grayson. Social. Distancing.

Jason: *yelling* He’s finally getting uninterrupted sleep, Dickie!

Dick: You can’t keep sending Tim overseas for that reason –

Damian: That’s true, that’s why we send him for other reasons, too –

Jason: Shhhh!!! Alfred’s coming!

Dick: That’s it. I’m tell– *gets tackled to the ground by Damian*

Jason: *picks up the phone* Uh, yeah, sorry about that. Turns out I had the wrong airline. K, thanks, bye!

Me: So, um, yeah, @rosebloodwater .

Tim: *tightening some knots* Just do it, Jay.

Jason: Timbo, you know me, I’m all for pranks, but don’t you think we’re taking this just a tad bit too –

Tim: *fetches some Wayne Tech-grade super glue and pours it on the knots* Far. Yes, exactly. As far as possible.

Jason: When Dick finds out about this –

Tim: Just DO IT, Jason. 

Jason: *muttering* I’m telling Alfred this was all your idea.

Tim: *packing some power bars into a Robin-themed backpack* What was that?

Jason: No-thing.

Jason: *sighhhhhhhs*

Jason: *dials a number on his phone* Bizarro? Yeah, this is, um… This am Red Him. I not miss you, too, big buddy! But, hey, listen, I’ve got a favor to ask you…

~ ~ ~ 5 hours later ~ ~ ~

Damian: *slowly opens his eyes, yawns, and stretches his limbs*

Damian: *gets up, grabs the backpack by his feet, and realizes that he’s wearing a freakin’ space suit* -Tt-

Damian: *narrows his eyes at the huge sign about a hundred meters away from him*

Sign: BiZArRO WOrLd

Damian: DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Mornings at the Manor…

Tim: I’m losing my mind, guys. I sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.

Alfred: *swiftly takes a step to the side to hide a frayed wire jutting from the kitchen wall*

Jason: *carefully pries the mug of espresso off Tim’s pale, trembling fingers*

Damian: *stealthily moves the butter knife away from Tim’s grasp*

Dick: *grabs Tim’s face and buries it on his chest in a tight hug*

Bruce: *closes the Gotham Gazette, stands up, then fireman-carries his heavily sleep-deprived son up to his room*

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

The Batfamily’s cue to start worrying about Red Hood…

Alfred: Master Jason may be violent and uncommunicative, but he is never tardy.

Said Alfred, as he glances at the grandfather clock, only the slightest hint of worry seen through a raised eyebrow in an otherwise well-rehearsed stoic face, then at his other grandkids sitting at the dinner table, ready at a moment’s notice to drop their utensils to look for their brother.