Batman: The only therapy I need is my job.
Alfred: Be sure to put that on your tombstone, Master Bruce.
Tag: alfred pennyworth
When you’re introduced to the Batfamily’s patriarch as Batman or one of the Robins’ significant other…
Alfred: Ah, you seem to be attracted to men who have a hard time staying alive.
Alfred coming back from vacation be like…
Alfred: So, did he behave himself while I was gone?
Tim: That depends. Are you talking about the frowny one with the hard shell? Or do you mean Damian?
Alfred: Master Bruce is addicted to being Batman.
Alfred [to Bruce, about Selina]: She solved you, you know.
Wayne Foundation charity gala nights be like…
Jason: I can field strip a .45 in the dark, Alfie. I think I can handle a bowtie.
When a supervillain breaks into Wayne Manor (somehow)…
Robin: *stands in between the villain and Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, Alfred, and Titus*
Robin: I don’t want anything to happen –
Nightwing: *heart flutters*
Robin: – to the dog.
Because the world’s most awesome butler’s got your back…
Alfred: As before, Mr. Mask, Mr. Hood is upstairs with an unhealthy number of firearms. Please don’t try to run.
Tim: *watches from a distance as Jason and Damian squabble over who gets to touch Alfred’s cookies first*
Tim: Dick, you ever notice how much of our job is like babysitting?
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