Mornings at the Manor…
Jason: *cooking*
Bruce: *reading the Gotham Gazette*
Dick: *balancing a pile of saucers on his index finger*
Tim: *fast asleep and drooling on the kitchen table*
Damian: *feeding Titus*
Alfred: *picks up the recipe book Jason’s using*
Alfred: “Cooking for Dummies”, Master Jason?
Jason: No offense, Timbo! I’m actually cooking for everybody.
Batman: Alfred, I don’t pay you to mock me.
Alfred: Master Bruce, you’d have to pay me not to.
Alfred: *humming while reading lab results on the Batcomputer*
Alfred: The good news, Master Jason, is that you are a perfectly healthy 50-year-old man.
Jason: Alf, I’m only 19!
Alfred: Tell that to your liver.
When Batman invites the Justice League over for breakfast at the Manor before a mission…
Green Lantern: Alfie, ol’ man, I’d like some scrambled egg whites, dry wheat toast, and Earl Grey tea. *snaps fingers*
Alfred: Really, Mr. Jordan? Well, I’d like some new shoes, a jet pack, and a hairline.
Hal, you are sassing the wrong butler.
At the Batcave’s Minor Procedures Room…
Red Hood: *holding Damian’s hand as Damian’s about to get stitches*
Red Hood: It’s okay, buddy, I’m right here with you. Go ahead, Alf.
Robin: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Red Hood: Hey, please go easy on the kid!
Robin: No, you’re squishing my hand, Todd!
Red Hood: Oh. Sorry. But did you feel the shot?
Robin: No.
Red Hood: You’re welcome.
Alfred: Perhaps you’d prefer to wait in your room, Master Jason.
Red Hood: I’d prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me!
At the Batcave’s Minor Procedures Room…
Alfred: *filling a syringe with anesthesia*
Red Hood: *gripping Damian’s hand with both of his*
Red Hood: It’s okay, little buddy, I’m right here with you. Go ahead, Alf.
Robin: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Red Hood: Hey, please go easy on the kid!
Robin: No, you’re squishing my hand, Todd!
Red Hood: Oh. Sorry. But did you feel the shot?
Robin: *glances at the newly emptied syringe being held by Alfred*
Robin: No.
Red Hood: You’re welcome.
Alfred: Perhaps you’d prefer to wait in your room, Master Jason.
Red Hood: I’d prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me!
After being infected with Scarecrow’s fear toxin…
Red Hood [on the Comm Link with Batman and Alfred]: I didn’t run away from home! I’m a grown man! Whose 15-year-old self was murdered in front of his very eyes! So excuse me for needing some time to grieve!
Mornings at the Manor…
Damian: *staring out the kitchen window*
Damian: *grins to himself*
Alfred: Master Damian, your food’s ready.
Jason: No, no, what are you doing? He’s both happy and quiet. It’s like seeing a unicorn and Bigfoot at the same time.
Mornings at the Manor…
Damian: *cutting down animal-shaped shrubs on the lawn with a katana*
Dick: *watches Damian through the kitchen window while eating his cereal*
Dick: *grins* His quirks just make you love him more.
Alfred: *blinks*
Alfred: *continues cooking omelettes*
Jason: *aggressively stuffs his mouth with pancakes*
Tim: *chokes on his coffee*
Bruce: *hides behind the Gotham Gazette*
Dick:
Dick: Someone please agree with me.
When you realize that little Robin’s not so little anymore…
Damian: I was going to spend the night with my special little lady –
Dick: *falls off the chandelier he was dangling from*
Jason: *chokes on the cigarette he was about to light up*
Tim: *wakes up*
Alfred: *accidentally pours tea on Tim*
Bruce: *freezes up*
Damian: – but she’s got worms and I had to take her to the vet.
Bruce, Alfred, Dick, Jason, and Tim: *collective sigh of relief*
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