Tag: alfred pennyworth

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When Batgrandpa gets fed up (because you’re wrecking all the furniture in the Manor)…

Alfred: All of you be. Quiet.

Alfred: Master Timothy, Miss Stephanie’s mad because you said “awesome sauce” instead of “I love you, too”.

Alfred: Miss Stephanie, he loves you. Stop being a child.

Alfred: Master Dick, you’re clearly at fault here. Blaming Master Jason won’t save you.

Alfred: And, Master Jason, we both know you were hanging out with Bizarro instead of watching over Master Damian like you promised.

Alfred: So. *looks around at his stunned grandchildren, who are bruised and battered from trying to “resolve” things earlier*

Alfred: Everyone apologize to everyone else. Now.

—

What would this family do without him?

Alfred: *hears the floor creak behind him*

Alfred: *turns around to see a deer caught in the headlights* And, you, Master Bruce, may not be excused.

Oh, ancient Wayne Manor floor, you are a traitor.

When Batgrandpa gets fed up (because you’re wrecking all the furniture in the Manor)…

Alfred: All of you be. Quiet.

Alfred: Master Timothy, Miss Stephanie’s mad because you said “awesome sauce” instead of “I love you, too”.

Alfred: Miss Stephanie, he loves you. Stop being a child.

Alfred: Master Richard, you’re clearly at fault here. Blaming Master Jason won’t save you.

Alfred: And, Master Jason, we both know you were hanging out with Bizarro instead of watching over Master Damian like you promised.

Alfred: So. *looks around at his stunned grandchildren, who are bruised and battered from trying to “resolve” things earlier*

Alfred: Everyone apologize to everyone else. Now.

What would this family do without him?

Bruce: Alfred refuses to tell anyone when his birthday is. He’s even had it redacted on all government documents.

Because he can.

Also, I couldn’t help but remember some of my favorite Bruce and Alfred moments in “Injustice: Gods Among Us” comics with this one. *smiles fondly at memory*

When Alfred’s away on vacation and you’ve got to do the grocery shopping yourself…

Bruce [to clerk]: I would like twelve eggs…

Bruce: *tries to read Dick’s smudged handwriting on his palm* … and part of a dead animal. Dealer’s choice. Please and thank you. 

Jason: *walks into Tim’s bedroom* Hey, Timbo –

Jason: *gags and bends over to catch his breath*

Jason: It smells like some vomit took a dump in here.

In which the stench leads Alfred from the kitchen to his location.

Training sessions at the Batcave be like…

Batman: *powers off the villain generator*

Batman: *watches as his sons get up from the various places they ended up in, dust off their bloody and singed suits, and groan in pain*

Batman: …

Batman: Well, this simulated disaster is a total disaster.

Alfred: *goes upstairs to grab some tea and medical supplies*   

And it’s this familiarity with homemade disasters that makes the Robins experts on the field.

Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*

Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*

Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*

Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine* 

Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*

Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*

Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*

Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*

Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*

Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*

Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.

Alfred: *grins and walks away*

Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*

Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*

Mornings at the Manor…

Duke: *nervously looks over his shoulder at Bruce pulling a sneering Damian by the scruff of the neck, Dick restraining a furious Tim via bear hug, Alfred telling Jason to get down from the kitchen counter, Cass ushering the family pets to safety, and the refrigerator on fire*

Duke: *sips chocolate milk, then looks straight into the Snapchat camera*

Duke: Jason attacked the counter with a fire axe and is still only the second craziest person in the kitchen.