Alfred: The more kids the merrier.
Bruce: Be careful what you say, Alfred. You might give me ideas.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Tag: alfred pennyworth
Alfred: *staring at the grandfather clock concealing the entrance to the Batcave*
Alfred: 10:47. Why would you want to be reminded of the moment when everything ended, Master Bruce?
Bruce: Because it didn’t.
Bruce: Jason, I can forgive the smoking, but I can’t forgive the lie.
Alfred: *glares at Bruce*
Bruce: Or the smoking.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Alfred raised you both right.
Bruce: I guess I’m too proud to ask for help.
Dick: Are you kidding? Alfred still cuts your steak.
It’s actually more like: Alfred would do anything to get his Justice-obsessed son to eat.
Mornings at the Manor (and Alfred’s on vacation)…
Tim: Jay, the frying pan is on fire!
Jason: Son of Jor-El! Everybody stay calm!
Batman: *looking around the Batcave for any sign of Nightwing*
Alfred: Master Dick’s having his hair blown out.
Batman: That’s a thing? That I pay for?
When your father and grandfather leave you and your brothers alone at the Manor…
Damian: *sees “52 missed calls” on his cellphone screen*
Damian: -Tt-
Damian: How irresponsible do they think we are?
Jason: *shrugs* Sometimes Alfred leaves me pictures of food instead of a shopping list.
Mornings at the Manor…
Damian: *walks into the kitchen and sees Tim splayed on the kitchen counter, bruised and bloodied, and in a singed Red Robin uniform*
Damian: Pennyworth, do we have to put the trash on the counter? I take my afternoon tea here.
Alfred: *cutting off Dick’s atrocious ponytailed hair*
Tim: *walks into the Batcave, wiping the sleep from his eyes*
Tim: *yawns* What’s going on, Alfred? Are we poor?
Nah. He just didn’t have enough patience to bring your brother all the way to the barber, Timmy. The tail had to go.
Things that earn you “The Look” from Alfred…
Alfred: *adjusting Jason’s bow tie and dusting off his tuxedo*
Jason: Do I have to tuck my shirt in? Because, honestly, that’s kind of a deal-breaker.
Alfred: *narrows eyes*
The ensuing fear in Jason’s eyes… Man.
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