Green Lantern: *looking around the Batcave in awe* Is Bats a hoarder?
Alfred: When people are as wealthy as Master Bruce, we call them “collectors”.
Tag: alfred pennyworth
Imagine: Jason, picked up by Alfred on Bruce’s orders and heading to the Manor for a family dinner.
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
At the Batcave’s Medical Bay…
Dick: *gets out of the X-ray area* So, hand-to-hand combat, parkour, jumping out of airplanes, that’s all out, right?
Alfred: *gives him a “What do you think?” look and walks out*
At the Batcave’s Minor Procedures Room…
Red Hood: *holding Damian’s hand as Damian’s about to get stitches*
Red Hood: It’s okay, buddy, I’m right here with you. Go ahead, Alf.
Robin: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Red Hood: Hey, please go easy on the kid!
Robin: No, you’re squishing my hand, Todd!
Red Hood: Oh. Sorry. But did you feel the shot?
Robin: No.
Red Hood: You’re welcome.
Alfred: Perhaps you’d prefer to wait in your room, Master Jason.
Red Hood: I’d prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me!
At the Batcave’s Minor Procedures Room…
Red Hood: *holding Damian’s hand as Damian’s about to get stitches*
Red Hood: It’s okay, buddy, I’m right here with you. Go ahead, Alf.
Robin: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Red Hood: Hey, please go easy on the kid!
Robin: No, you’re squishing my hand, Todd!
Red Hood: Oh. Sorry. But did you feel the shot?
Robin: No.
Red Hood: You’re welcome.
Alfred: Perhaps you’d prefer to wait in your room, Master Jason.
Red Hood: I’d prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me!
Batfather’s Day…
Batman: *opens a blood-stained greeting card with a bullet hole in the middle*
Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: Did you see the hearts? It took me, like, six minutes.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
In which Alfred gets teary-eyed from seeing the biggest grin he’s seen on his son’s face in years (and the card he himself got from his grandson).
When you see footage of your father, who’s bruised, bloodied, bound and being taunted by a villanous metahuman, on the Batcomputer screen…
Nightwing:
Red Hood:
Red Robin:
Robin:
Alfred: *clears his throat*
Alfred: Boys, he wouldn’t want you involved –
Robin: *pulls his sword from its scabbard and releases Goliath from his cage*
Red Robin: *tracks the source of the footage and hacks into its system*
Red Hood: *reloads his guns and straps on explosives*
Nightwing: *lights up his escrima sticks* We’re already involved. We’re family, Alfred.
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I mean it’s not as if Alfred left that footage to stream for you to “accidentally” find against Batman’s orders… Right?
Damian: You are the worst vacation-taker in the world!
Damian: *stomps up the stairs, goes to his bedroom, and slams the door shut*
Bruce:
Alfred:
Bruce: *shrugs*
Alfred: *sighs, shakes his head, and walks away*
So your father left a realistic blow-up version of himself inside the tent then went off-planet to respond to a Justice League S.O.S. while you roasted marshmallows and waited six hours for him to come out and regale you with stories of his early vigilante days by a campfire…
He still loves you, kid.
Releasing your grandson into the wild that is the Wayne Enterprises gala…
Alfred: *straightening Dick’s bowtie* Now, Master Richard, be charming but not too charming.
Dick: That’s like asking Superman not to be too super.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Or his adoptive father not to be too broody.
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