Tag: alfred pennyworth

omgiamwish:

For this post by @incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Batjet: *glides down the Batcave driveway and parks itself smoothly*

Batjet door: *opens dramatically*

One of Batman’s boots: *steps out*

Red Robin: *shields his eyes from the brightness* AH!

The rest of Batman’s body: *gets out*

Red Hood: *snorts* HA! *covers his mouth as soon as the yell escapes his mouth*

Batman:

Batman: Hn.

Alfred: *taking the snow-white fur cape off Bruce’s shoulders* Welcome home, Master Bruce. I trust your mission in the Alps with Mr. Kent went well?

Batman: *grunts*

Nightwing: *trying desperately to contain his giggling* D-did y-y-you g-get a h-haircut over there, B?

Red Robin: *smirking and elbowing Jason’s ribs* Or a tan? Something’s definitely different.

Red Hood: *shaking uncontrollably and muttering* Stop it or I’m gonna lose it, Replacement.

Robin: Don’t be ridiculous, Drake. On an unrelated note, have you seen Disney’s “Frozen”, Father?

His brothers: *erupt into full-blown laughter*

Batman: *takes off his cowl, sighs wearily and slumps onto his computer chair*

Nightwing: *on the Comm Link, in a sing-song tone* Baaaabs, guess who just got into fashion? No, not me – Okay, yeah, but that’s not the point –

Robin: *on FaceTime with Jon* Kent, you will not believe – Oh, of course your father already told you –

Red Robin: *on the phone with Conner* – pictures, Dude –

Alfred: *serves him tea* Well, I think you look lovely, Master Bruce. The bright yellow goes well with all the brooding.

Batman:

Batman: *grinning as he sips tea*

Red Hood: *wiping blissful tears off his eyes as he types a message on Tumblr* @omgiamwish , quick, how do I wire-transfer money to your Earth?

Me: *comes up beside Jason, shaking my head and grinning* Yes, you have, @omgiamwish . Yes, you have.

Brilliant. Thank you!

nanna-the-batmum:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Alfred: *walks into the Batcave carrying a tray of cookies*

Alfred:

Alfred: Master Bruce, is everything alright?

Batman: *looks up for a second* Oh. Alfred.

Alfred: *frowns suspiciously*

Batman: *distractedly* Uh, Alps. Mission. With Clark.

Alfred: *looks at the Batcomputer screen displaying a Tumblr page*

Batman: I’ve been doing some research on optimal wilderness disguises.

Alfred: *watching silently as his vigilante son, donning a yellow cowl, pulls at tight spots on his snow-colored suit and flips its matching furry cape, using the Batmobile’s reflective surface as a mirror*

Alfred: *leaves the tray on Bruce’s work table and proceeds to walk out, grinning* Then I shall leave you to it.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

@xellexavierxau, looks like someone liked your idea.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO DRAW THIS ITS SO CUTE

Me: *whispering to @nanna-the-batmum * I was actually thinking the same thing – *does a double-take*

Red Hood: *holding up a hand-painted sign saying “WANTED: artist willing to draw Bruce in a fluffy, white Batsuit, REWARD: 1 BILLION DOLLARS”*

Me: Jason, we can’t afford that –

Nightwing: *empties his piggy bank onto the kitchen table* Savings from my days as a police officer.

Red Robin: *writes a check* Savings from my days as CEO of Wayne Enterprises.

Robin: *takes out a thick wad of cash from his utility belt* Spare change.

Red Hood: *clicks on a banking app on his phone* And a liiiiittle bit more from Bruce’s days as Bruce Wayne.

Me: *face-palms*

Me: I guess they want it more than we do.

Alfred: *hears sniffling*

Alfred: *walks into the Batcave and notices a small light in otherwise utter darkness*

Alfred: *turns on all the lights, waits for his eyes to adjust and sees Bruce sitting on his computer chair, staring into the distance* Master Bruce?

Batman: *clears his throat and wipes his face haphazardly* Alfred. I – I didn’t hear you come in.

Alfred: My word… It’s been a while since I last saw you shed a tear. What’s the matt–

Batman: *gets up and starts working on his latest gadget* Allergies! You know I have them.

Alfred: I’ve been with you since before you were in nappies. You most certainly do not.

Batman: I meant fear toxin! Crane’s b-back in town.

Alfred: Master. Bruce.

Batman: *putting on his cowl and cape in a hurry* The signal, Alfred – Gordon, rooftop – *runs into the Batmobile*

Alfred: *muttering as he picks up what looks to be a discarded phone from the ground and dusts it off* Such a simple question. But perhaps I should have known better. *sighs*

Me: *walking into the Batcave with Dick and holding my hair down as the Batmobile zooms past us*

Nightwing: *drops the cereal bar he was munching on* Broosh? Wha– He totally forgot about me! *jumps on his motorcycle and speeds off*

Alfred: I believe this belongs to you.

Me: *takes my phone from him* He’s been looking at our Tumblr account again, huh? *scrolls through the inbox*

Me: *grinning from ear to ear*

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

This is so touching that it could make even Mr. Poker McBatface show some emotion, is what I’m trying to say. Thank you, thank you, @unsaddledlamb!

Alfred: *walks into the Batcave carrying a tray of cookies*

Alfred:

Alfred: Master Bruce, is everything alright?

Batman: *looks up for a second* Oh. Alfred.

Alfred: *frowns suspiciously*

Batman: *distractedly* Uh, Alps. Mission. With Clark.

Alfred: *looks at the Batcomputer screen displaying a Tumblr page*

Batman: I’ve been doing some research on optimal wilderness disguises.

Alfred: *watching silently as his vigilante son, donning a yellow cowl, pulls at tight spots on his snow-colored suit and flips its matching furry cape, using the Batmobile’s reflective surface as a mirror*

Alfred: *leaves the tray on Bruce’s work table and proceeds to walk out, grinning* Then I shall leave you to it.

~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~

@xellexavierxau, looks like someone liked your idea.

mattatatpat:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

thedeafeningcollectionzombie:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

insufferable-bastardz:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

platinum-soul7:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

hoshihime04:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

chi-townbatgirl:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

charismatic-hothead:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

nanna-the-batmum:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

rosevered:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

dc-comics-gal:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…

Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.

Me: *blinks*

Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –

Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*

Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?

Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–

Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*

Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?

Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?

Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –

Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –

Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*

Me: Did I say something wrong?

Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*

Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?

Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?

Me: Well –

Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –

Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*

Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –

Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –

Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*

Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!

Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Alfred: *walks into the room*

Room: *falls silent*

Alfred: No dessert for all of you.

Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*

Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…

Me: *blinks*

Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*

The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!

Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.

Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

This is the best thing I have ever read in my life

Robin: *tying @dc-comics-gal up*

Red Robin: Brat, what in the –

Red Hood: Woah, woah, Li’l D –

Robin: *hissing* Will you two shut up? Father and Grayson might hear you!

Red Robin: What exactly are you trying to do?

Robin: *carrying @dc-comics-gal into the Batmobile* Trying to sneak them into the Manor! Obviously, Drake!

Red Hood: Well, not that I’d mind seeing the old Bat have a fit, but… why, kid?

Robin: One more question, Todd, and I swear –

Me: Hey, hey, hey! Put the Tumblr user down.

Me: Now, Damian.

Me:

Me: Okay, good.

Me: On our earth, we just say thank you.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

So, thank you!

It’s getting better and better and better 🙂 and I love it 💕

Damian: *shuts his bedroom door behind him*

Dick: Hey, Li’l D –

Dick:

Dick: Is there someone in your room?

Damian: No one! Nothing! None of your business! Now, get out of my way Grayson, I need to find Pennyworth! *rushes past him to the kitchen*

Dick: *slowly opens the door*

Jason: *showing @rosevered some of his favorite 18th century novels* Yo, Dames, you got the tea yet? We’re out –

Dick:

Jason:

Tim: *drops the stack of Xbox games he was carrying*

Dick:

Tim: Uhhh… Damian’s guest from… *looks to @rosevered* Which Earth did you say you were from again?

Dick:

Dick: *sits down beside them on the carpeted floor and offers to shake their hand* Another one of Robin’s stow-aways, huh? Welcome to the Manor, @rosevered .

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

No matter how many times I tell the Bats that a simple thank you would do, they just won’t listen, so I hope you don’t mind!

THIS I LOVE THIS! LIKE SO MUCH :D💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙

Batman: *working a long-overdue case on the Batcomputer*

Wonder Woman: *walking around the Batcave and admiring the mementos*

Wonder Woman: 

Wonder Woman: *swiftly takes out her lasso and prepares to throw it* 

Batman: *grabs the lasso in time* Diana, NO!

Wonder Woman: I sense a foreign presence in your cave, Bruce, lurking right behind that monstrous creature –

@nanna-the-batmum: *steps out from behind the dinosaur and into the light*

Wonder Woman: Great Hera…

Batman: They’re… They’re, uh…

Nightwing: *drops down from the ceiling* A guest from a nearby Earth. *winks at @nanna-the-batmum*

Superman: *flies in through the waterfall and dries himself off* Another one, Bruce?

Batman: Another what, Clark?

Robin: *enters with Batcow on a leash* I wonder the same thing, Father. Eight not enough for you?

Batman: Damian, are you implying –

Superman: *extends a hand to @nanna-the-batmum* Hello, I’m Superman. Welcome to our Earth.

Wonder Woman: *does the same* And I’m Diana of Themyscira. I hope you can forgive me for our earlier introduction.

Red Hood: *pulls his motorcycle to a screeching halt* Yo, @nanna-the-batmum, you one of us? Should we start training you?

Batman: *rubs his temples in frustration* Jason, nobody is training –

Red Robin: *parks his car beside Jason’s motorcycle* We could totally just pick you up at your place. Say, 9-ish? Also, don’t mind the tracker on your collar.

Batman: Tim – Hrrnnn. *goes back to work on the Batcomputer*

Alfred: *puts a hand on @nanna-the-batmum‘s shoulder* Clearly it requires quite a bit of energy to be in this family, so might I suggest you try some of the cookies I just baked? I hear they’re delicious. *leads the way to the kitchen*

Mother of bats…..

Yes good

It’s increased exponentially since last I saw it

If you’re still running this beautiful gift of a post, Harper Row is the best and I love catwoman and red hood so much too.

Selina: Look, @charismatic-hothead darlin’, this isn’t for the faint of heart. Even Bruce wasn’t up to the challenge.

Harper: You have to be totally, a-hundred-percent sure you’re up to this. 

Cullen: Yeah, @charismatic-hothead – Wait, what’re we doing again?

Harper: *playfully slaps him on the shoulder* Turning you into a man, little bro.

Jason: *rubs his hands together* Easy peasy, Batsy squeezy.

Waitress: Welcome to Batburger. You guys ready to order? 

Harper: Since the moment Zombie Boy here suggested it. Five Batburger meals, please.

Harper: Giganta-d.

Cullen: *wide-eyed* Th- that’s t-two p-p-pounds e-e-each –

Jason: Actually, make that two for me.  

Harper: *raises an eyebrow*

Jason: *shrugs and mouths “patrol night”, then turns to @charismatic-hothead and mouths, “You comin’?”*

Waitress: Joker-ized fries?

Jason: Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Selina: *grins* Order anything you want, kiddos. It’s all on Batman.

ahh this is so good. if you’re still doing it, I love Nightwing, he’s my fave.

Officer Grayson: *pulls over and walks towards @chi-townbatgirl‘s parked car*

Officer Grayson: Hi, I’m Officer Grayson of the

Blüdhaven Police Department. Please step out of the vehicle.

@chi-townbatgirl: *steps out of the car*

Officer Grayson: You have the right to take a break from your hectic schedule and have dinner at the Manor. Anything you do or say that’s equivalent to a “no” can and will be used against you in Alfred’s kitchen.

If you can’t afford a plane ticket to Gotham City, Bruce Wayne’ll provide it for you. 

Officer Grayson: Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, care to have breakfast with me? I’ve got, like, six kinds of cereal. *grins and offers @chi-townbatgirl a blue-and-black striped hand*

Uhhhhhh i Love it 💜 can i get one with Dami and Alfred If you want to do it 💚

@hoshihime04: *trying to shift positions during a lovely nap but unable to move because of something really heavy…* 

@hoshihime04: *eyelids fluttering… blinking… taking in nothing but darkness*

@hoshihime04: *tasting fur… feeling fur everywhere…*

@hoshihime04: *eyes wide open*

@hoshihime04: *hears faint voices growing louder and footsteps getting nearer*

Alfred: – absolutely unacceptable treatment of a guest, Master Damian.

Damian: But they’re totally comfortable, Pennyworth! Not to mention safe!

Alfred: *keeps on walking* 

Damian: Don’t go in there! Leave them alone! 

Door: *squeaking open*

Alfred: Hm.

Alfred: Will you do it or must I? 

Damian: Fine. I’ll do it.

Damian: *sighs*

Damian: Titus. Alfred. Jerry. Get off the bed. Let’s go, Batcow.

Alfred: *clears throat*

Damian: You too, Goliath.

@hoshihime04:

*feeling like ten tons of fluff was lifted off their chest and gasping for air*

Damian: -Tt – *walks out of the room with a Great Dane, a cat, a turkey, a cow and a bat-dragon in tow*

Alfred: *helping

@hoshihime04

get up* At the young master’s behest, I’ve prepared crispy tofu tacos for the both of you. Now, off to the kitchen you go.  

Batman: *stoically* “I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.”

Jason: Look, I know you’re you, but could you maybe not be you for a sec? This is Shakespeare, man! It’s supposed to be dramatic!

Batman: *with a gruff voice and a dramatic flip of the cape* “They do not love that do not show their love.”

Jason: We’re trying to help @kurara-black-blog in the words department, and possibly express our gratitude, so I don’t need you to be broody right now, Ba –

Bruce: *walks into the living room*

Bruce:

Batman:

Jason: – sil…

Bruce: Hn.

Batman: *shapeshifts back into Clayface*

Clayface: *smiling sheepishly* Hey, boss.

Jason:

Jason: *runs and jumps out of the window*

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

So… Yeah. Thanks, @kurara-black-blog .

Psst…can you ask Jay what he thinks of my profile icon (I think that’s what it’s called)?

Red Hood: Hey, @platinum-soul7, wanna know what I think?

Red Hood: *chugs a can of beer, drops it to the ground, crushes it with his boot, kicks it to the curb, cocks his guns and sprays the can with bullets*

Red Hood: That’s what I think.

Red Hood: Of any form of disrespect towards your iconic icon.

Alfred: That’s enough, Master Jason! Now come inside for a snack. Bring @platinum-soul7 with you.

Red Hood: Oh, @&#+! Alfred’s cookies. Come on! *runs to the Manor*

It keep getting better and better
I can’t help but love it
*what a person finds when they need to study*

Nightwing: *playfully dangling his old Robin uniform on a blue-striped finger* So… You’re not coming with us, @insufferable-bastardz?

Robin: Not with that garbage of a suit, they’re not, Grayson.

Nightwing: *clutches his chest in mock pain* Right where it hurts, baby bro.

Robin: Also, @insufferable-bastardz has every right to be lame if they wanted to be, so. *shrugs and crosses his arms*

Red Robin: *pacing the room and working out an algorithm* Look, @insufferable-bastardz, I can totally hack into the system and change the schedule of any upcoming exam you have. And though I can hear the vessels in Bruce’s eyes pop as I say this, there’s always breaking and entering –

Nightwing: Which he himself does a lot by the way –

Red Hood: *kicks the door down* HEY.

Nightwing:

Red Robin:

Robin: -Tt-

Red Hood: *narrows his eyes at his brothers* If @insufferable-bastardz wants to study, they get to study.

Red Hood: *pulls out a chair and invitingly taps the one next to his* Let’s do this.

Holy masked riders batman! This is one of the few posts that make me happy by just reading it (hiya from mex)

Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*

Batman: *snorts*

Batman: *clears his throat*

The Signal: Uh… Boss?

Batman: *grinning to himself*

Batman: *clears his throat again and frowns*

Batman: *chuckles*

Red Robin: Oookay there, Bruce?

Robin: -Tt- Father, what is wrong with –

Batman: *full-blown, guttural laughter*

Red Hood: That’s just… creepy.

Alfred: *runs into the cave, still wearing an apron and mittens* Master Bruce, what on earth –

Batman: *gleefully wiping tears from his eyes and rubbing his belly*

Nightwing: It really wasn’t that funny, Bruce.

Batman: @thedeafeningcollectionzombie… Your comment… Dick… *sighing contentedly* S-such awful jokes when he was Robin…

Red Robin: And Officer Grayson. And Agent 37 –

Batgirl: Then Nightwing again –

Spoiler: It kind of grows on you, actually –

Black Bat: *puts a comforting arm around one of Dick’s*

Batman: Just reminded me of the good old days.

Batman: *clears his throat and goes back to typing on the Batcomputer*

Nightwing: *laughs* Okay, okay. I appreciate you guys putting up with me.

Nightwing: And, @thedeafeningcollectionzombie – or Mex, is it? – hope you have a good laugh, too. *winks*

At 2am I should be sleeping – but why do that when I can read funny shit like this instead? (Sleep is for the weak anyway)

Alfred: Out! I said, out! *sweeping Tim out of @mattatatpat ’s living room with a broom*

Red Robin: *spilling a newly brewed pot of coffee all over his fire-proof uniform* But, Alf, I was just gonna –

Alfred: Absolutely not, Master Timothy!

Red Robin: – ask them if they wanted –

Alfred: Master Jason, the Batplane, now!

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: On it, Alf! *muffled* Dam – *vague noises of a struggle* Gimme back the steering wheel – Kid, I promised the old man I wouldn’t let you – ARRRGH – *static*

Red Robin: *banging on the bedroom door* @mattatatpat ! I can’t sleep either! We should totally hang –

Nightwing: *climbs in through a window and tackles Tim to the ground* Sorry I’m late! *takes a patch from a breast pocket on his suit and slaps it onto Tim’s neck* Aaaand I’m sorry for that, little bro.

Red Robin: SLEEP IS FOR THE WeAaaaa… ZzZz…

@mattatatpat : *comes out of their bedroom*

Nightwing: *carries an unconscious Tim out of the window and loads him into the Batplane with help from their bickering brothers*

Alfred: *throwing the last piece of coffee-soaked tissue into a bin* You must forgive our intrusion at such an hour.

Alfred: *gracefully climbing out of the window in his pristine Oxford shoes* And, @mattatatpat , sleep is for the wise. *winks at them as the Batplane door closes*

mattatatpat:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

thedeafeningcollectionzombie:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

insufferable-bastardz:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

platinum-soul7:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

hoshihime04:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

chi-townbatgirl:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

charismatic-hothead:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

nanna-the-batmum:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

rosevered:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

dc-comics-gal:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…

Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.

Me: *blinks*

Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –

Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*

Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?

Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–

Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*

Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?

Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?

Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –

Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –

Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*

Me: Did I say something wrong?

Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*

Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?

Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?

Me: Well –

Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –

Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*

Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –

Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –

Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*

Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!

Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.

Alfred: *walks into the room*

Room: *falls silent*

Alfred: No dessert for all of you.

Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*

Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…

Me: *blinks*

Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*

The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!

Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.

Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes

This is the best thing I have ever read in my life

Robin: *tying @dc-comics-gal up*

Red Robin: Brat, what in the –

Red Hood: Woah, woah, Li’l D –

Robin: *hissing* Will you two shut up? Father and Grayson might hear you!

Red Robin: What exactly are you trying to do?

Robin: *carrying @dc-comics-gal into the Batmobile* Trying to sneak them into the Manor! Obviously, Drake!

Red Hood: Well, not that I’d mind seeing the old Bat have a fit, but… why, kid?

Robin: One more question, Todd, and I swear –

Me: Hey, hey, hey! Put the Tumblr user down.

Me: Now, Damian.

Me:

Me: Okay, good.

Me: On our earth, we just say thank you.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

So, thank you!

It’s getting better and better and better 🙂 and I love it 💕

Damian: *shuts his bedroom door behind him*

Dick: Hey, Li’l D –

Dick:

Dick: Is there someone in your room?

Damian: No one! Nothing! None of your business! Now, get out of my way Grayson, I need to find Pennyworth! *rushes past him to the kitchen*

Dick: *slowly opens the door*

Jason: *showing @rosevered some of his favorite 18th century novels* Yo, Dames, you got the tea yet? We’re out –

Dick:

Jason:

Tim: *drops the stack of Xbox games he was carrying*

Dick:

Tim: Uhhh… Damian’s guest from… *looks to @rosevered* Which Earth did you say you were from again?

Dick:

Dick: *sits down beside them on the carpeted floor and offers to shake their hand* Another one of Robin’s stow-aways, huh? Welcome to the Manor, @rosevered .

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

No matter how many times I tell the Bats that a simple thank you would do, they just won’t listen, so I hope you don’t mind!

THIS I LOVE THIS! LIKE SO MUCH :D💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙❤💙

Batman: *working a long-overdue case on the Batcomputer*

Wonder Woman: *walking around the Batcave and admiring the mementos*

Wonder Woman: 

Wonder Woman: *swiftly takes out her lasso and prepares to throw it* 

Batman: *grabs the lasso in time* Diana, NO!

Wonder Woman: I sense a foreign presence in your cave, Bruce, lurking right behind that monstrous creature –

@nanna-the-batmum: *steps out from behind the dinosaur and into the light*

Wonder Woman: Great Hera…

Batman: They’re… They’re, uh…

Nightwing: *drops down from the ceiling* A guest from a nearby Earth. *winks at @nanna-the-batmum*

Superman: *flies in through the waterfall and dries himself off* Another one, Bruce?

Batman: Another what, Clark?

Robin: *enters with Batcow on a leash* I wonder the same thing, Father. Eight not enough for you?

Batman: Damian, are you implying –

Superman: *extends a hand to @nanna-the-batmum* Hello, I’m Superman. Welcome to our Earth.

Wonder Woman: *does the same* And I’m Diana of Themyscira. I hope you can forgive me for our earlier introduction.

Red Hood: *pulls his motorcycle to a screeching halt* Yo, @nanna-the-batmum, you one of us? Should we start training you?

Batman: *rubs his temples in frustration* Jason, nobody is training –

Red Robin: *parks his car beside Jason’s motorcycle* We could totally just pick you up at your place. Say, 9-ish? Also, don’t mind the tracker on your collar.

Batman: Tim – Hrrnnn. *goes back to work on the Batcomputer*

Alfred: *puts a hand on @nanna-the-batmum‘s shoulder* Clearly it requires quite a bit of energy to be in this family, so might I suggest you try some of the cookies I just baked? I hear they’re delicious. *leads the way to the kitchen*

Mother of bats…..

Yes good

It’s increased exponentially since last I saw it

If you’re still running this beautiful gift of a post, Harper Row is the best and I love catwoman and red hood so much too.

Selina: Look, @charismatic-hothead darlin’, this isn’t for the faint of heart. Even Bruce wasn’t up to the challenge.

Harper: You have to be totally, a-hundred-percent sure you’re up to this. 

Cullen: Yeah, @charismatic-hothead – Wait, what’re we doing again?

Harper: *playfully slaps him on the shoulder* Turning you into a man, little bro.

Jason: *rubs his hands together* Easy peasy, Batsy squeezy.

Waitress: Welcome to Batburger. You guys ready to order? 

Harper: Since the moment Zombie Boy here suggested it. Five Batburger meals, please.

Harper: Giganta-d.

Cullen: *wide-eyed* Th- that’s t-two p-p-pounds e-e-each –

Jason: Actually, make that two for me.  

Harper: *raises an eyebrow*

Jason: *shrugs and mouths “patrol night”, then turns to @charismatic-hothead and mouths, “You comin’?”*

Waitress: Joker-ized fries?

Jason: Wouldn’t have it any other way.

Selina: *grins* Order anything you want, kiddos. It’s all on Batman.

ahh this is so good. if you’re still doing it, I love Nightwing, he’s my fave.

Officer Grayson: *pulls over and walks towards @chi-townbatgirl‘s parked car*

Officer Grayson: Hi, I’m Officer Grayson of the

Blüdhaven Police Department. Please step out of the vehicle.

@chi-townbatgirl: *steps out of the car*

Officer Grayson: You have the right to take a break from your hectic schedule and have dinner at the Manor. Anything you do or say that’s equivalent to a “no” can and will be used against you in Alfred’s kitchen.

If you can’t afford a plane ticket to Gotham City, Bruce Wayne’ll provide it for you. 

Officer Grayson: Do you understand the rights I have just read to you? With these rights in mind, care to have breakfast with me? I’ve got, like, six kinds of cereal. *grins and offers @chi-townbatgirl a blue-and-black striped hand*

Uhhhhhh i Love it 💜 can i get one with Dami and Alfred If you want to do it 💚

@hoshihime04: *trying to shift positions during a lovely nap but unable to move because of something really heavy…* 

@hoshihime04: *eyelids fluttering… blinking… taking in nothing but darkness*

@hoshihime04: *tasting fur… feeling fur everywhere…*

@hoshihime04: *eyes wide open*

@hoshihime04: *hears faint voices growing louder and footsteps getting nearer*

Alfred: – absolutely unacceptable treatment of a guest, Master Damian.

Damian: But they’re totally comfortable, Pennyworth! Not to mention safe!

Alfred: *keeps on walking* 

Damian: Don’t go in there! Leave them alone! 

Door: *squeaking open*

Alfred: Hm.

Alfred: Will you do it or must I? 

Damian: Fine. I’ll do it.

Damian: *sighs*

Damian: Titus. Alfred. Jerry. Get off the bed. Let’s go, Batcow.

Alfred: *clears throat*

Damian: You too, Goliath.

@hoshihime04:

*feeling like ten tons of fluff was lifted off their chest and gasping for air*

Damian: -Tt – *walks out of the room with a Great Dane, a cat, a turkey, a cow and a bat-dragon in tow*

Alfred: *helping

@hoshihime04

get up* At the young master’s behest, I’ve prepared crispy tofu tacos for the both of you. Now, off to the kitchen you go.  

Batman: *stoically* “I can no other answer make, but, thanks, and thanks.”

Jason: Look, I know you’re you, but could you maybe not be you for a sec? This is Shakespeare, man! It’s supposed to be dramatic!

Batman: *with a gruff voice and a dramatic flip of the cape* “They do not love that do not show their love.”

Jason: We’re trying to help @kurara-black-blog in the words department, and possibly express our gratitude, so I don’t need you to be broody right now, Ba –

Bruce: *walks into the living room*

Bruce:

Batman:

Jason: – sil…

Bruce: Hn.

Batman: *shapeshifts back into Clayface*

Clayface: *smiling sheepishly* Hey, boss.

Jason:

Jason: *runs and jumps out of the window*

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

So… Yeah. Thanks, @kurara-black-blog .

Psst…can you ask Jay what he thinks of my profile icon (I think that’s what it’s called)?

Red Hood: Hey, @platinum-soul7, wanna know what I think?

Red Hood: *chugs a can of beer, drops it to the ground, crushes it with his boot, kicks it to the curb, cocks his guns and sprays the can with bullets*

Red Hood: That’s what I think.

Red Hood: Of any form of disrespect towards your iconic icon.

Alfred: That’s enough, Master Jason! Now come inside for a snack. Bring @platinum-soul7 with you.

Red Hood: Oh, @&#+! Alfred’s cookies. Come on! *runs to the Manor*

It keep getting better and better
I can’t help but love it
*what a person finds when they need to study*

Nightwing: *playfully dangling his old Robin uniform on a blue-striped finger* So… You’re not coming with us, @insufferable-bastardz?

Robin: Not with that garbage of a suit, they’re not, Grayson.

Nightwing: *clutches his chest in mock pain* Right where it hurts, baby bro.

Robin: Also, @insufferable-bastardz has every right to be lame if they wanted to be, so. *shrugs and crosses his arms*

Red Robin: *pacing the room and working out an algorithm* Look, @insufferable-bastardz, I can totally hack into the system and change the schedule of any upcoming exam you have. And though I can hear the vessels in Bruce’s eyes pop as I say this, there’s always breaking and entering –

Nightwing: Which he himself does a lot by the way –

Red Hood: *kicks the door down* HEY.

Nightwing:

Red Robin:

Robin: -Tt-

Red Hood: *narrows his eyes at his brothers* If @insufferable-bastardz wants to study, they get to study.

Red Hood: *pulls out a chair and invitingly taps the one next to his* Let’s do this.

Holy masked riders batman! This is one of the few posts that make me happy by just reading it (hiya from mex)

Batman: *typing on the Batcomputer*

Batman: *snorts*

Batman: *clears his throat*

The Signal: Uh… Boss?

Batman: *grinning to himself*

Batman: *clears his throat again and frowns*

Batman: *chuckles*

Red Robin: Oookay there, Bruce?

Robin: -Tt- Father, what is wrong with –

Batman: *full-blown, guttural laughter*

Red Hood: That’s just… creepy.

Alfred: *runs into the cave, still wearing an apron and mittens* Master Bruce, what on earth –

Batman: *gleefully wiping tears from his eyes and rubbing his belly*

Nightwing: It really wasn’t that funny, Bruce.

Batman: @thedeafeningcollectionzombie… Your comment… Dick… *sighing contentedly* S-such awful jokes when he was Robin…

Red Robin: And Officer Grayson. And Agent 37 –

Batgirl: Then Nightwing again –

Spoiler: It kind of grows on you, actually –

Black Bat: *puts a comforting arm around one of Dick’s*

Batman: Just reminded me of the good old days.

Batman: *clears his throat and goes back to typing on the Batcomputer*

Nightwing: *laughs* Okay, okay. I appreciate you guys putting up with me.

Nightwing: And, @thedeafeningcollectionzombie – or Mex, is it? – hope you have a good laugh, too. *winks*

At 2am I should be sleeping – but why do that when I can read funny shit like this instead? (Sleep is for the weak anyway)

Alfred: Out! I said, out! *sweeping Tim out of @mattatatpat ’s living room with a broom*

Red Robin: *spilling a newly brewed pot of coffee all over his fire-proof uniform* But, Alf, I was just gonna –

Alfred: Absolutely not, Master Timothy!

Red Robin: – ask them if they wanted –

Alfred: Master Jason, the Batplane, now!

Red Hood [on the Comm Link]: On it, Alf! *muffled* Dam – *vague noises of a struggle* Gimme back the steering wheel – Kid, I promised the old man I wouldn’t let you – ARRRGH – *static*

Red Robin: *banging on the bedroom door* @mattatatpat ! I can’t sleep either! We should totally hang –

Nightwing: *climbs in through a window and tackles Tim to the ground* Sorry I’m late! *takes a patch from a breast pocket on his suit and slaps it onto Tim’s neck* Aaaand I’m sorry for that, little bro.

Red Robin: SLEEP IS FOR THE WeAaaaa… ZzZz…

@mattatatpat : *comes out of their bedroom*

Nightwing: *carries an unconscious Tim out of the window and loads him into the Batplane with help from their bickering brothers*

Alfred: *throwing the last piece of coffee-soaked tissue into a bin* You must forgive our intrusion at such an hour.

Alfred: *gracefully climbing out of the window in his pristine Oxford shoes* And, @mattatatpat , sleep is for the wise. *winks at them as the Batplane door closes*

Red Hood: *leans on a wall and slides down into a cross-legged, sitting position*

Red Hood: *checks his watch, sighs, puts down his binoculars and taps a foot impatiently against the rooftop floor* 

Red Hood: *takes out his phone, opens incorrect-batfamily-quotes on Tumblr and scrolls through the “big brother of the year” tag*

Red Hood: *chuckles* I would totally do that. *browses* Yup, Timbo needs to sleep. *checks out the comments* That’s… nice. *looks to the sky as if he could use it to talk to someone from another Earth* Thanks… whoever you are. *scrunches his nose* And apparently… there’s a lot of you who think that I’m not too bad…

Red Hood: *gets up in a half a second flat, guns drawn*

Red Robin: *holding his hands up in surrender* Relax, relax. It’s just me.

Black Bat: *soundlessly stepping out of a dark corner* And me.

Nightwing: *hanging upside down and covering the eyeholes on Jason’s helmet* Aaaaand your favorite older brother.    

Red Hood: *peeling Dick’s blue-striped fingers off* Look, I don’t give a bat’s butt what the old man said, I’m taking this case –

Robin: *jumps down from behind a gargoyle and throws his hands up in frustration* What took you so long, Todd?! This whole day has been wasted waiting for you!

Red Hood: – gonna freakin’ bring down those lowlives who took Kori no matter what it – Wait, wait. What exactly is going on here?

Nightwing: *smiling excitedly* There is no case, Little Wing.

Red Hood: I don’t –    

Spoiler: *swings in from a nearby rooftop* Is he here? Did he buy – Oh, hey, Jay! Starfire’s giggling her orange-y, little head off watching you right now. *points to a hidden camera in a crevice* 

Red Hood: WHAT? But the leads –

Red Robin: Were made up. I hacked into your personal satellite. Sent some signals here and there, bada-bing-bada-boom.

Red Hood: How is all this even – I can’t – How’d you guys get past me? 

Batgirl: *rappelling from the Batjet with Duke* Because we helped them, duh. It was the only way to get you to come here today.

Red Hood: *takes his helmet off and rubs his face in utter confusion* I followed those leads for three weeks! I mean, Artemis and Bizarro –  

Artemis: *lands on the rooftop on Bizarro’s back, shrugs and hands her sword to Damian, who greedily grabs it* Just pretended to be pissed that you had to leave for your “mission”.

Bizarro: We not sad Red Him gone!                     

The Signal: So does he mean he was or… ?

Red Hood: If this is some kind of *doing air-quotation marks* intervention, you tell that arrogant, self-righteous, emotionally –

Batman: – inept, leather-clad furry that it won’t work.

Red Hood:

Batman: I’d like to give it a try anyway.

Red Hood: But we… we’re supposed to… we hate each other…

Batman: *grins and ruffles Jason’s hair* Hn. Don’t believe everything you read, kid.

Red Hood: *grins sheepishly back*

The Signal: *looks around for secret passageways on the rooftop and whispers to Tim* Where’d the boss even come from?

Alfred [on the Comm Link]: *clears his throat loudly* If you’re all quite finished, the rest of your family and friends – *muffled* Mr. Harper, once again, that vase is a family heirloom and was never intended for target practice – are waiting.

Batman: Let’s get you home.

Red Hood: Right. I’m starving.

Alfred: Please do hurry up. The candles can only stay up for so long.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I hope I’m not too late… Happy birthday, Jay!                   

Nightwing: *picks the least tattered Robin uniform in a box marked “good ol’ days” and gleefully drops it on the floor in the middle of the living room*

Red Hood: *unloads his handgun and drops a bullet on top of Dick’s uniform*

Red Hood: *faces Tim and does a “gimme” hand gesture at him*

Red Robin: *shakes his head no and hugs his chest tightly*

Red Hood: *attempts to wrestle a packet of coffee out of Tim’s bearhug* Timbo, let it go, dude. It makes, like, one cup.

Batman: *carries Damian by the scruff of his cape and puts him down at the middle of the pile*

Alfred: *rushes in, grabs Damian by the hand and leads him away from it* Absolutely not, Master Bruce!

Robin: *sulking* -Tt-

@biggiepiggie44: *staring at the pile of… what in the… ?*

Red Hood: *wiping sweat off his forehead and heaving* One what, @biggiepiggie44?

Red Robin: *lying facedown on the floor*

Red Robin: *muffled* Yeah, you’re gonna have to be more specific.

Batman: *walks in on his children speaking in hushed tones and huddled by the Batcomputer, with Tim at the helm*

Red Hood: Dudes, what makes you think the old man’s not gonna know that we used his tech to do this?

Nightwing: If he does find out, I’ll handle it, okay? Aren’t you guys even the least bit curious of how many by now?

The Signal: Well, okay, I guess I am now. Let’s do this.

Robin: Father is going to be disappointed at this idiocy.

Red Robin: Pssh. Like that’s stopping you. Besides, this is the only computer on this Earth that can log on to Tumb–

Red Robin: I just got goosebumps. Guys, why did I just get goosebumps? And why isn’t anyone talking to me? Guys?

Red Robin: *slowly turns his seat*

Batman: *with narrowed eyes* Hrrrn.

Nigthwing: *smiling sheepishly* Heyyyy Bruuuuce…

Red Hood: *covering his mouth to stifle his giggling*

The Signal: We – we were just – uhhh –

Robin: I warned them, Father!

Red Robin: Why, you little – *lunges at Damian*

Nightwing: *jumps in to break Tim and Damian apart*

The Signal: *runs to the kitchen to get Alfred*

Red Hood: *takes out his phone and starts recording everything*

Batman:

Batman: *walks past his sons’ wrestling match to the Batcomputer*

Batman: *enters the password to the Tumblr account and looks at the number of followers*

Batman: Hn.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

Your overwhelming support for this blog has gotten them excited, too.

With much appreciation,

a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes