(Let’s face it: they all need Alfred. But left to their own devices…)
Dick:
It comes naturally to him, a perk of being a father (even if he isn’t on this Earth yet) and big brother figure to people within and outside of the Batfamily.
Unashamedly reads maternity books out of curiosity.
Cooing, babbling, silly animal sounds and corny jokes. He’ll be utterly annoying to grown-ups, but absolutely delightful to anyone below the age of 8.
Gentle disciplinarian.
Jason:
Protective. Even from himself. None of his weapons within a one mile radius (unless locked up in a Wayne Tech-grade safe).
Doesn’t mind being vulnerable around young’uns and will indulge their playtime fantasies. (*to toddler* “I’m, um… *looks around to make sure that no one else is around* Red Robin Hood.” But Alfred is around. He always is.)
Reluctantly pulls out Shakespeare from a shelf when asked by a toddler, “Will you wead me a bedtime stowy?”
Tim:
Takes baby-proofing to another level. (He prefers that things be on autopilot because he’s a busy, busy vigilante.)
But once in a while he can’t help himself and goes into Kid Mode. (Supervillain who?)
Sneaks kids into the Batcave for a “field trip” when Bruce isn’t around (and Bruce pretends he doesn’t know).
Actually enjoys helping with homework (even if he’s lazy to do his own).
Damian:
Hates it… Then pretends to hate it… Then actually finds that it pleases him.
Because he likes having a protegé (“Master Damian, he is four!” But he doesn’t understand why that matters since he canonically started training around that age.)
Is secretly fascinated by Lego and other “children’s toys” and somewhat surprised that swords and encyclopedias don’t fall into the same category.
Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier
Jason:
Most likely to stick to the grocery list
But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady
Tim:
Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)
Damian:
Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list
So…
Once in a while I’ll come across a comment or two on my posts asking where so-and-so is or why so-and-so isn’t included in them. And I’m grateful because none of them have been rude so far; to me, they sound more like outcries from fans who just want their beloved (and perhaps underappreciated) characters to get more recognition.
Though I understand where they’re coming from, here’s the thing: a lot of you are probably more well-versed in comic canon than I am.
One of the reasons I’m partial to certain characters is because they’re the ones I first encountered when I started reading comics and whose core “personalities” really stuck with me. I’ve gotten to know them more intimately than others and tend to read more about them. It’s kind of like discovering a TV show that really resonates with you; it can keep you from checking out other shows because you’re so preoccupied watching it.
(And I’m really not fond of writing about anything that I don’t know much about because it feels like cheating to me, if that makes sense.)
That being said, once in a while, I’ll come across an incorrect quote or think up a scenario that makes me go, “Oh, I think I might know this character that I rarely write about enough to include him or her in this”. And that’s when I really run with it because it brings me joy to make posts with a big-family feel.
So… You’ll have to forgive me if you don’t see a lot of your favorite character on here. (Trust me, it’s probably better that way until I get back to reading comics more consistently again.)
I do appreciate your comments (and will, once in a while, even stalk reblogs just to read the tags on them *snickers unashamedly*).
Alfred: *walks into the Batcave and notices a small light in otherwise utter darkness*
Alfred: *turns on all the lights, waits for his eyes to adjust and sees Bruce sitting on his computer chair, staring into the distance* Master Bruce?
Batman: *clears his throat and wipes his face haphazardly* Alfred. I – I didn’t hear you come in.
Alfred: My word… It’s been a while since I last saw you shed a tear. What’s the matt–
Batman: *gets up and starts working on his latest gadget* Allergies! You know I have them.
Alfred: I’ve been with you since before you were in nappies. You most certainly do not.
Batman: I meant fear toxin! Crane’s b-back in town.
Alfred:Master. Bruce.
Batman: *putting on his cowl and cape in a hurry* The signal, Alfred – Gordon, rooftop – *runs into the Batmobile*
Alfred: *muttering as he picks up what looks to be a discarded phone from the ground and dusts it off* Such a simple question. But perhaps I should have known better. *sighs*
Me: *walking into the Batcave with Dick and holding my hair down as the Batmobile zooms past us*
Nightwing: *drops the cereal bar he was munching on* Broosh? Wha– He totally forgot about me! *jumps on his motorcycle and speeds off*
Alfred: I believe this belongs to you.
Me: *takes my phone from him* He’s been looking at our Tumblr account again, huh? *scrolls through the inbox*
Me: *grinning from ear to ear*
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
This is so touching that it could make even Mr. Poker McBatface show some emotion, is what I’m trying to say. Thank you, thank you, @unsaddledlamb!
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