Red Hood: Yeah, but… This is… W-What if we… I don’t know, it’s… I don’t know. Shouldn’t we run this by Bruce first?
Robin: Ha! Father would never agree, so I say we just go doit. I bet I could get Kent to sneak into his father’s Fortress of Sadness or whatever and find us something that could help us get there –
Red Hood: *holds up a hand to stop him* Little D, I get it. I died, you died, yet we’re both standing here. A crisis rebooting our universe is basically just Tuesday for all of us. But this? We’re talking other universe-universe. Like, an outside-of-our-entire-freakin’-Multiverse universe, like even Mr. Mxyzptlk –
Nightwing: Jason’s got a point. None of us has ever gone that far. We didn’t even know it existed before this message from… @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr., who seems to be some kind of… Spiderman.
Red Robin: *clears his throat* That’s not… completely true.
Nightwing: What do you mean?
Red Robin: *whips out his phone and scrolls past about a hundred folders full of photos and case files before reaching one requiring a retinal scan to unlock*
Red Robin: *sighs deeply and aligns his eyes to the scanner*
Red Robin: You jerks better promise me you won’t judge me.
Red Robin:
Nightwing: …
Red Hood: …
Robin: …
To be continued?
Struggling too much? *jumps off the ceiling* then here,have a mazapán *toss one mazapán to each bat kid*
Red Hood: *checking out the mazapán he just caught* What the – *looks up at the ceiling, then at @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr, then back at the ceiling* Where –
Nightwing: *grinning at @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr, impressed and about to bite into the mazapán* Nice landing. And thanks for this.
Robin: *grabs the mazapán from Dick’s hand* -Tt- You should know better than to just accept sweets from otherworldly strangers, Grayson.
@vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr: *throws another mazapán at Dick, who single-handedly catches it without looking*
Nightwing: *pops the candy into his mouth* That’s only applies when you haven’t tried them, Little D. They’re, as they say, delicioso. Jessica C hands ‘em out during Justice League lunches.
Red Hood: *examining the treat* Why do I feel like I’ve tried these before, but like, they’re called marzap – mirzi –
Batwoman: *walks out of the shadows*
Red Hoodand Batwoman: Marzipan!
Red Hood: Kate, how did you –
Batwoman: I’m not sure, Jasón – Did I just call you Jasón?
Nightwing [to @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr]: *rolls his eyes* Don’t worry about them. They’re just having some kind of flashback of an alternate reality or something.
Red Robin: *slow-clapping sarcastically* Good job revealing our secret identities, team. Keep it up.
Robin: *yelling from across the room* Oh, that one’s name is “Loser Drake”!
Red Robin: Are you done being “mature”, Damian? ‘Cause I really think we should start figuring out what’s what before Batman arrives.
To be continued…
…*looks around and laughs softly* los niños de estos días,I have more candies if you want some,calaveras de azúcar,cacahuates garapiñados,plátanos fritos,etc!
Red Hood: *stuffing his mouth with candies* Yo sé, yo sé, @vecino-amigable-aracnido-jr…
The Signal: Dude, did you just speak in Spanish?
Red Hood: *looks up at him*
Red Hood: *shrugs, then continues binging*
Batwoman: *fills her utility belt with treats* I’m just gonna run some tests on these.
Nightwing: *smirking, accompanies her towards the grandfather clock exit* Riiight.
Robin: *picks up a treat* Todd, do you have the slightest inkling of how bad these are for –
Red Robin: *grabs the treat from Damian’s hand* Do these have caffeine in ‘em? ‘Cause I could really use some right no–
Spoiler: *swipes the treat from Tim’s hand and is about to pop it into her mouth* Ha! Who’s stealthy no–
Nightwing: *gives Steph a gentle nudge as he walks back into the cave, causing her to lose her balance, then swiftly catches the fallen treat midair* So, we’re in big trouble, guys…
Red Hood: *chomping down on a candied skull* Just tell the Bart *chomp* nort to beer *chomp* surch a killjo–
Alfred:
Red Hood: *mouth agape, with chewed-up skull chunks falling out of it*
Alfred: And who.
Red Robin: *picking crumbs up from the floor in a panic*
Alfred: Gave all of you.
Spoiler: *slowly reaching for her grapple hook and searching for a hole in the cave wall*
Alfred: Permission.
The Signal: *sneakily kicking the basket of treats under the Batmobile*
Tim: *turns on his boombox and tunes it to an 80s pop music station*
Tim: *gets up on the table and starts dancing the “running man”*
Bruce:
Dick:
Babs:
Jason:
Steph:
Cass:
Damian: -Tt-
Duke:
Alfred:
Tim: I’m rocking so much adrenaline right now! My blood is basically Red Bull!
Alfred: *nods at Jason*
Jason: *tackles Tim in the middle of the “cabbage patch”*
Alfred: *waits for the table to be cleared of his grandsons, then lays out breakfast entrèes for everyone*
– • – • – • – • –
Good morning from the Manor!
Robin [to Red Robin]: Father asked me to help you with a non-existent test… ?
Red Hood [to Nightwing]: And Bruce asked me to pal around with you for a “mission” in Ireland…
Alfred: It’s a little “Parent Trap”, young masters. Your father was trying to create some peace in the Batcave.
When you’re frustrated with your seemingly unfeeling adoptive father…
Red Hood: *internally pulling his teeth out* Alfred gave you some tools to be a quasi-human, Bruce! You just have to use them!
Batman:
Red Hood: *externally screams*
Red Hood: Look, I don’t know who this “Jason” you’re talking about is, but it’s not me, alright? There must be, like, a billion Jasons in Gotham alone, so you’re clearly mistaken –
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: Master Jason, this chocolate bouquet on your bed addressed to *sound of a greeting card flipping open* @abundanceofopals, shall I wipe the bloodstains off of it or –
Red Hood: *shuts the Comm Link and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck* Uhhh.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He’s blushing so hard that he’s as red as the mask covering his face, trust me. Thank you so much, @abundanceofopals! You have a nice day, too!
Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Jason: *turns his seat to face @rayanyamor*And you felt the need to point it out because…?
Alfred: *conficates Jason’s Pop-Tarts and starts passing out plates of blueberry waffles to everyone at the table* Young masters, I implore you to let our guest have breakfast in peace.
Jason: Alf, wha–
Tim: *pops coffee beans into his mouth* But it’s a legit question, though.
Damian: *climbs on top of the kitchen table and brings his face so close to @rayanyamor’s that they’re practically nose-to-nose* What makes you so sure that we weren’t referring to another Robin?
Dick: *walks into the kitchen already eating from a cereal box* Good morning, family! What’re we talking about now? And where’s Dune?
Me: *drags my hand down my face in anguish* It was a typo. A typo.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 