Tag: alfred pennyworth

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

When you see footage of your father, who’s bruised, bloodied, bound and being taunted by a villanous metahuman, on the Batcomputer screen…

Nightwing:

Red Hood:

Red Robin:

Robin:

Alfred: *clears his throat*

Alfred: Boys, he wouldn’t want you involved –

Robin: *pulls his sword from its scabbard and releases Goliath from his cage*

Red Robin: *tracks the source of the footage and hacks into its system*

Red Hood: *reloads his guns and straps on explosives*

Nightwing: *lights up his escrima sticks* We’re already involved. We’re family, Alfred.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~

I mean it’s not as if Alfred left that footage to stream for you to “accidentally” find against Batman’s orders… Right?

goodonedorkknight:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

omgiamwish:

For this post by @incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Batjet: *glides down the Batcave driveway and parks itself smoothly*

Batjet door: *opens dramatically*

One of Batman’s boots: *steps out*

Red Robin: *shields his eyes from the brightness* AH!

The rest of Batman’s body: *gets out*

Red Hood: *snorts* HA! *covers his mouth as soon as the yell escapes his mouth*

Batman:

Batman: Hn.

Alfred: *taking the snow-white fur cape off Bruce’s shoulders* Welcome home, Master Bruce. I trust your mission in the Alps with Mr. Kent went well?

Batman: *grunts*

Nightwing: *trying desperately to contain his giggling* D-did y-y-you g-get a h-haircut over there, B?

Red Robin: *smirking and elbowing Jason’s ribs* Or a tan? Something’s definitely different.

Red Hood: *shaking uncontrollably and muttering* Stop it or I’m gonna lose it, Replacement.

Robin: Don’t be ridiculous, Drake. On an unrelated note, have you seen Disney’s “Frozen”, Father?

His brothers: *erupt into full-blown laughter*

Batman: *takes off his cowl, sighs wearily and slumps onto his computer chair*

Nightwing: *on the Comm Link, in a sing-song tone* Baaaabs, guess who just got into fashion? No, not me – Okay, yeah, but that’s not the point –

Robin: *on FaceTime with Jon* Kent, you will not believe – Oh, of course your father already told you –

Red Robin: *on the phone with Conner* – pictures, Dude –

Alfred: *serves him tea* Well, I think you look lovely, Master Bruce. The bright yellow goes well with all the brooding.

Batman:

Batman: *grinning as he sips tea*

Red Hood: *wiping blissful tears off his eyes as he types a message on Tumblr* @omgiamwish , quick, how do I wire-transfer money to your Earth?

Me: *comes up beside Jason, shaking my head and grinning* Yes, you have, @omgiamwish . Yes, you have.

Brilliant. Thank you!

Black Bat: *takes her hands off @nanna-the-batmum ’s eyes* Ta-daaa!

Spoiler: *rolling on the floor and wheezing from excessive laughter*

The Signal: *walking distractedly into the Batcave as he goes through messages on his phone* Uh, guys? I just got a text from Jason, something about – *does a double-take and covers his mouth the moment he realizes it’s Bruce* Wooooahhhh, no, no, dude – Is this really happening right now?

Batgirl: Somehow more mind-boggling than the existence of parallel Earths, huh? This is gonna confuse my dad. I should probably give him a heads up.

Me: *dials an undisclosed number on my phone* Heeeeyyyy Selina… I’m sorry to bother you, but you might wanna drop that diamond you’re stuffing into your suit and come over. I’ve got something… shinier.

This. Post. Is. Golden.

Alfred: You know what else is “golden”, Master @goodonedorkknight ?

Alfred: *holding up one of Batman’s golden, clawed gloves*

Batkids: *crack up all over again*

Batman: *dialing Superman’s number so someone can fly him away from the Manor*

Source: omgiamwish

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

omgiamwish:

For this post by @incorrect-batfamily-quotes

Batjet: *glides down the Batcave driveway and parks itself smoothly*

Batjet door: *opens dramatically*

One of Batman’s boots: *steps out*

Red Robin: *shields his eyes from the brightness* AH!

The rest of Batman’s body: *gets out*

Red Hood: *snorts* HA! *covers his mouth as soon as the yell escapes his mouth*

Batman:

Batman: Hn.

Alfred: *taking the snow-white fur cape off Bruce’s shoulders* Welcome home, Master Bruce. I trust your mission in the Alps with Mr. Kent went well?

Batman: *grunts*

Nightwing: *trying desperately to contain his giggling* D-did y-y-you g-get a h-haircut over there, B?

Red Robin: *smirking and elbowing Jason’s ribs* Or a tan? Something’s definitely different.

Red Hood: *shaking uncontrollably and muttering* Stop it or I’m gonna lose it, Replacement.

Robin: Don’t be ridiculous, Drake. On an unrelated note, have you seen Disney’s “Frozen”, Father?

His brothers: *erupt into full-blown laughter*

Batman: *takes off his cowl, sighs wearily and slumps onto his computer chair*

Nightwing: *on the Comm Link, in a sing-song tone* Baaaabs, guess who just got into fashion? No, not me – Okay, yeah, but that’s not the point –

Robin: *on FaceTime with Jon* Kent, you will not believe – Oh, of course your father already told you –

Red Robin: *on the phone with Conner* – pictures, Dude –

Alfred: *serves him tea* Well, I think you look lovely, Master Bruce. The bright yellow goes well with all the brooding.

Batman:

Batman: *grinning as he sips tea*

Red Hood: *wiping blissful tears off his eyes as he types a message on Tumblr* @omgiamwish , quick, how do I wire-transfer money to your Earth?

Me: *comes up beside Jason, shaking my head and grinning* Yes, you have, @omgiamwish . Yes, you have.

Brilliant. Thank you!

Source: omgiamwish

Family Meeting

codenamed-queenie:

Dick: Welcome to the family, Duke!

Dick: There’s a few important things you need to know as you’re taking this exciting new step in your life!

Duke [whispering]: Why does he sound like a college tour guide?

Barbara [whispering]: Shh. Just let him have this.

Dick: First requirement for any Robin–

Duke: I’m not a Robin, though–

Dick: First requirement for any Robin is a tragic backstory. Do YOU have a tragic backstory?

Steph: Aw, great. Now he sounds like Dora the Explorer.

Tim: This entire conversation is a tragic backstory.

Duke: Uh…

Dick: Don’t wanna talk about it? That’s perfectly fine! We’ll wring it out of ya sooner or later, buddy! Second thing you need are ‘Daddy Issues’.

Jason [deadpan]: If you don’t have any, some will be provided for you.

Tim [equally deadpan]: Just spend an hour with Bruce.

Steph: Yeah, why d’you think Dami’s so messed up?

Damian: Hey!

Duke: What? No, I love my–

Dick: The third thing every Robin needs is ‘patience’. I need to know that if I drag you out of bed at 3am for a late-night dance party, you won’t be annoyed. I need to know that if Tim’s using your helmet as a coffee mug, and if Steph paints your suit purple, and if Jason asks you for cash twelve times in a row–

Jason: Man’s gotta eat.

Steph: You literally spend it all on Sour Patch gummies.

Jason: Yeah. So?

Dick: –that you can take it. And take it in stride. Do you think you have what it takes, Robin Number Six?

Duke: I’m not a Robin, man.

Steph: Oh ho. Is that right?

Steph: Well, then. Do you prance around in ridiculously bright tights?

Duke: They’re not–I don’t…um.

Barbara: Do you always do what Bruce says?

Duke: That’s not–

Damian: Even though you may secretly resent it?

Duke: Well–

Tim: Do you spend your free nights staring at the ceiling as you have another existential crisis about your place in the world and what would happen if one day you just finally snapped?

The others:

Duke:

Duke: Um. No, to that one.

Dick: Yeah, same here. BUT. Do you ever have an inexplicable urge to drive the Batmobile?

Duke: I…actually…

Jason: Do you dish out quips with the best of ’em?

Duke: Yeah, man. I guess. But…

Tim [leaning forward]: Then you are. You are Robin.

Jason [mumbling]: One of us…One of us…

Dick: ONE OF US

Steph: ONE OF US

Damian: One of us.

Tim: ONE OF US

Jason: ONE OF US

Barbara: Don’t worry, Duke. If these guys are freaking you out too much, you could always come and be a Batgirl.

Cass: *nods*

Duke: *facepalms*

Alfred: Alright, everyone. I have the cookies that were requested.

Everyone: YAY!!!

Duke [pulling out his phone as the others devour the treats]: Siri, do the voice log thing.

SIRI: Recording now.

Duke: *sighs* Day forty-seven. I have yet to find a successful escape route. My prospects are looking grim…

*giggling*

Red Hood: Bruce, Alfred, I have made a very important decision. I’m moving out.

Robin: Yes.

Red Hood: And moving in with Roy and Bizarro.

Alfred: My goodness.

Batman: *grunts*

Arsenal: Oh, yeaaah. Video games and beer all day and all night…

Artemis: *knocking on the door and entering* Oh, I’m sorry.

Artemis [to Jason]: Can I talk to you for a second? It’s kind of important.

Red Hood: *walks out of the room with Artemis*

Arsenal: *rolls his eyes* Talk about your third wheel.

a-wayne-at-heart:

The Robins as…

GROCERY SHOPPERS (sent by Alfred)

Dick:

  • Most likely to get stared at (for obvious reasons)
  • Keeps calling Alfred to report on available varieties for each item on the list and bargains for his or his siblings’ favorite snacks
  • Sings along or dances to the jingle while waiting in line at the cashier

Jason:

  • Most likely to stick to the grocery list
  • But his plan to “just get this over with” is usually derailed by a senior citizen struggling to put a heavy sack into a cart or a little kid trying to reach a toy on a high shelf
  • Comes home to the Manor blushing deeply and with lipstick stains from a grateful old lady

Tim:

  • Most likely to spend the whole day in the grocery
  • Because (1) he’s still groggy from pulling an all-nighter for a case and can’t mentally process Alfred’s list, or (2) he can’t help but research the toxicity profile of everything on it, which somehow leads him to cross-reference them with recent sightings of… (*looks up from his phone* “Oh, Alfred! Why are you here? Where am I?”)

Damian:

  • Most likely to sulk the entire time (“You do not send a prince to do a servant’s job, Pennyworth!”)… that is, until he discovers the pet section
  • Also most likely to be sent back to return everything that he bought and pick up the things that were actually on the list