Batman: *looking around the Batcave for any sign of Nightwing*
Alfred: Master Dick’s having his hair blown out.
Batman: That’s a thing? That I pay for?
Tag: alfred pennyworth
Mornings at the Manor…
Alfred: *decorating pancakes with whipped butter and blueberries*
Dick: *eating cereal while doing a one-armed handstand*
Jason: *throwing bacon bits at Dick’s face*
Tim: *enters the kitchen*
Damian: What’s that smell? *sniffs the room*
Everyone else: *stops to sniff*
Damian: Smells like sweat and anger and shame.
Tim: *with dark rings under his eyes*
Tim: *pours coffee onto the wrong end of his mug*
Tim: *sighs* Yep.
Meeting Batman’s “blood son” for the first time…
Alfred: Master Damian, you cannot leave the table until you’ve finished your Lobster Thermidor.
Damian: Well, then, I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you’ve got a good forty years on me, old man!
When Batdad just automatically responds with some random punishment to carry out…
Alfred: Master Bruce, do you even know which one of your sons I’m talking about?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
Does it even matter anymore?
So, wow, thank you…
I just saw how many followers this blog has as of today, and I’m in awe.
I have all those brilliant film, TV, and song writers who came up with such amusing, deep, or iconic lines to thank. I’m really just borrowing their work and creating a context around them based on comic canon (and, occasionally, my own headcanons). It won’t always be accurate, but the point is to make it fun and imaginable.
I see a quote, and 90% of the time, I’ll instantly have a character in mind to “speak” it and a situation in which the conversation could happen. That’s how rich the DC Universe is. Years and years of material to draw inspiration from.
I do re-word some dialogue to fit the context I want (or because the grammar seems uncomfortably off to me).
I love the slice-of-life kind of things, and I do imagine that even superheroes have very mundane, domestic (even silly) moments that give them joy in between those of chaos and conflict.
So, for those of you who follow because you’re just as amused, inspired, and fangirl-y as I am, thanks for dropping by!
(A shout out to those who support my other Tumblr blog, a-wayne-at-heart, as well!)
Alfred [about Damian’s piano recital]: Master Bruce, you have to be there! You’ve missed much too many precious moments in the children’s lives.
Bruce: What? Name twelve.
Raising a Robin…
Bruce: Alfred, Jason’s having girl troubles. You’d better go talk to him.
Alfred: It’s clown troubles, Sir. That’s your responsibility.
Bruce: I thought I was in charge of bedtime stories and “dying pets”?
Alfred: Yes. Well, we’re adding clowns.
Bruce: Hn. Fine. But you just bought yourself “ear piercing” and “strange new feelings”.
Meirl
Imagine: The Batkids cleaning the manor – before Alfred leaves and after he does.
Recently discovered Lazarus Pit side effects…
Red Hood: I was a dead, alabaster bad-ass, Alf!
Alfred: I am performing open-heart surgery on you without anesthesia, Master Jason. You are beyond “bad-ass”.
At the Batcave’s Minor Procedures Room…
Alfred: *filling a syringe with anesthesia*
Red Hood: *gripping Damian’s hand with both of his*
Red Hood: It’s okay, little buddy, I’m right here with you. Go ahead, Alf.
Robin: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Red Hood: Hey, please go easy on the kid!
Robin: No, you’re squishing my hand, Todd!
Red Hood: Oh. Sorry. But did you feel the shot?
Robin: *glances at the newly emptied syringe being held by Alfred*
Robin: No.
Red Hood: You’re welcome.
Alfred: Perhaps you’d prefer to wait in your room, Master Jason.
Red Hood: I’d prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me!
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