Duke: *listening to the birds chirping, the breeze blowing, the grass being mowed by Alfred… *
Duke: *looks around the kitchen suspiciously*
Duke: It’s quiet. Too quiet.
Duke:
Dune: *narrowly misses a birdarang, which hits and breaks a ketchup bottle, and hears two sets of footsteps – one lithe, the other heavy – barreling down the stairs and familiar voices yelling insults at each other*
Duke:
Duke: *gets up, grabs his stuff, and looks up the nearest Big Belly Burger on Waze* Suddenly it’s too loud. I preferred it when it was quiet.
Jason: *turns his seat to face @rayanyamor*And you felt the need to point it out because…?
Alfred: *conficates Jason’s Pop-Tarts and starts passing out plates of blueberry waffles to everyone at the table* Young masters, I implore you to let our guest have breakfast in peace.
Jason: Alf, wha–
Tim: *pops coffee beans into his mouth* But it’s a legit question, though.
Damian: *climbs on top of the kitchen table and brings his face so close to @rayanyamor’s that they’re practically nose-to-nose* What makes you so sure that we weren’t referring to another Robin?
Dick: *walks into the kitchen already eating from a cereal box* Good morning, family! What’re we talking about now? And where’s Dune?
Me: *drags my hand down my face in anguish* It was a typo. A typo.
Red Hood: Look, I don’t know who this “Jason” you’re talking about is, but it’s not me, alright? There must be, like, a billion Jasons in Gotham alone, so you’re clearly mistaken –
Alfred [on the Comm Link]: Master Jason, this chocolate bouquet on your bed addressed to *sound of a greeting card flipping open* @abundanceofopals, shall I wipe the bloodstains off of it or –
Red Hood: *shuts the Comm Link and sheepishly rubs the back of his neck* Uhhh.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He’s blushing so hard that he’s as red as the mask covering his face, trust me. Thank you so much, @abundanceofopals! You have a nice day, too!
Martian Manhunter: *raises his imaginary eyebrows*
Batman: *glares*
Martian Manhunter: *shakes his head*
Batman: *keeps glaring*
Martian Manhunter: *rubs his temples in frustration*
Superman: So, uh, what have you guys been talking abou–
Martian Manhunter: *throws his arms up in frustration* Fine, Bruce! If it’s the only way you’ll go on this mission!
Batman:
Batman: *smirks*
Batman [to his Comm Link]: Nightwing, go get Alfred.
Bonus:
Alfred: *stuffing secret pockets in his waistcoat with weapons* Master Bruce, you ridiculous man.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
He can’t spit fire, but he can probably out-rhyme Etrigan. Plus, he’s put Superman in his place at least once. And if Bruce’s ego listens to anyone, it’s him. All the Robins know this. So J’onn just has to concede.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 