#a Mess.
Green Lanterns of Sector 2814: With all due respect, Batman, so what?
Working with your paranoid, over-the-top vigilante-detective-adoptive father on a case be like…
Batman: I sent you a text with my location every two hours.
Red Hood: I was busy.
Batman: Hn. I left some urine in your safe house.
Red Hood: Tell me it’s in a cup.
Why you don’t try to psychoanalyze your best friend…
Roy: What’re you afraid of, Jaybird?
Jason: I’m afraid of what I’m gonna do to you if you don’t shut up.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And don’t tell me that Roy didn’t ask this while lying belly down on Jason’s bed with his chin propped up by both hands and his bent legs crisscrossing in the air.
When you’re trying to convince your best friend that a billionaire’s son is just as capable of doing farm work…
Damian [to Jon]: I’m blue collar! I’m absolutely blue collar. My father owns a shovel.
What he actually means is that his father owns a company that supplies shovels.
At the Kent Farm…
Bruce: *in a double-breasted suit*
Dick: *adjusts his bow tie*
Jason: *fumbles with his cufflinks*
Tim: *licks hand and flattens Damian’s hair*
Damian: *slaps Tim’s hand away*
Pa Kent and Ma Kent: …
Clark: So, uh, you guys dress up for Thanksgiving?
Bruce: Doesn’t everybody?
When you’re bored out of your mind at Kent Farm because your fathers are busy hanging out and won’t let you go on patrol without adult supervision…
Bruce and Clark: *chatting and drinking coffee*
Jon: *lies down on the grass* What are you doing?
Damian: *yawns* I’m just trying to throw batarangs at my father’s head, but the wind keeps taking it.
Sleepovers at the Kent Farm be like…
Damian [to Jon]: I’m prone to night terrors, so if I wake up kicking and screaming, don’t panic. Just pin me down and stroke my hair, and I’ll be fine.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And need he mention that if you tell any of this to his older brothers, he’ll plant kryptonite around your property and not tell you where to find them?
“Batman v Superman”…
Batman: I’m going to own your farm by the time this is over.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Your heat vision’s nothing to his billions of dollars, Clark.
“Do You Bleed?” AU
When your best friend asks you if you’d want to get away from crimefighting in the city for a while and just hang out at his farm…
Superman: So… ?
Batman: *stares off into the distance*
Superman: Um, Bruce… ?
Batman: *breathes in the air like he’s smelling fresh flowers*
Batman: Spending the day far away sounds like a dream, Clark. I love being a father, but there are a few things I miss. Silence. The absence of noise. One single moment undisturbed by my children trying to kill each other.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 