prison-mikes-bandana:

So basically how adults settle things…

IMAGINE: Egomaniacal genius and billionaire industrialist Lex Luthor [Wayne Brady] of Metropolis City and notorious playboy (and also a billionare industrialist) Bruce Wayne [Colin Mochrie] of Gotham City at a very important meeting.

BONUS: Mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent of the Daily Planet eventually getting in between them (“With all due respect, Mr. Luthor, you’d better cut that out. ”).

jasxntxddx:

Bruce: I don’t have favorites.

Dick: Then how come Duke has an allowance?

Tim: Duke gets an allowance? How come I never got one?

Damian: Because you’re rich too, genius.

Steph: How come I didn’t get an allowance?

Dick: Do you even live here?

Jason: He gets an allowance? I had to pay to be here!

Alfred: That was a swear jar, there is a difference.

a-wayne-at-heart-too:

Ask…

Bruce: *steps out of the Batcave and into the Manor after patrol*

Bruce: *pauses*

Bruce: *sighs wearily*

Bruce: *in a loud, deadpan voice* Where, oh, where can my eldest child be?

Dick: *covered from head-to-toe in body paint, blending in with the wallpaper in the library* 

Dick: *yelling and giggling* You’ll never find me, Bruce! I took the tracker out of my arm this morning!

>>> — <<<

Batman: *working on the Batcomputer* Were you able to get the stuff I needed from GCPD like I asked you to?

Nightwing: *carries an evidence box and drops it on the table beside Bruce* Yup! Yup, yup, yup. Just like you asked. 

Batman: *opens the box* Hn.

Batman: *takes a heavy book entitled “Batman and Robin: The Golden Age” out of it and glares at Dick* What’s this? 

Nightwing: Gee whiz! How’d that get in there? I’ve been looking all over for it!

Batman: *handing the book over to Dick* Take it – 

Nightwing: *already slowly backing out of the Batcave* Come to think of it, how about you and I read it before I sleep? It really helps take care of those gosh-darned nightmares! *running out* See you later, Bruce! 

Batman: Hrrrrn. *wiping dust from the yellowing cover* See you later, chum. 

>>> — <<<

Red Robin: Are you serious right now, Dick? I’m already dressed. And I’ve been tracking our mark for three weeks now.

Nightwing: Yeah. Batman said so.

Red Hood: Let me just run that by everyone again. *inhaling deeply* Bruce said we couldn’t go on patrol with the two of you tonight…?

Nightwing: Um-hmm. Sorry, guys.

Robin: Grayson, that doesn’t even make sense! It’s family patrol night.

Nightwing: Yeah, well, maybe the rest of you can just – 

Nightwing: *hears the Batmobile revving up* Gotta go! 

[In the Batmobile…] 

Batman: *activating the tracking device and backing out of the Batcave as Dick gets into the passenger side* Where’s everyone? 

Nightwing: Huh?

Batman: *stares at Dick suspiciously* Your siblings. Are they ready?

Nightwing: *shrugs* Oh. They all said something about this other mission that they had to take care of or whatever. Hey, mind if we pass by Bat Burger real quick?

[Three hours later…]

Batgirl: *passing the binoculars to Tim* Called it. 

Red Robin: *looks through it and watches in amusement as Bruce and Dick eat Batburgers atop a gargoyle from three buildings away* Well, I’ll be darned. *passes the binoculars to Steph*

Spoiler: *looks through it* Ugh! This is making me hungry.

Robin: *grabs the binoculars from Steph* Let me see! Let me see! *looks through it for a good two minutes, then passes it to Duke* -Tt- That traitor.

The Signal: *looks through the binoculars for moment, then passes it to Cass* It’s almost like he’s a kid again.

Black Bat: *looks through it and sighs happily* It’s adorable.

Alfred [on the Comm Link]: I’m afraid Master Dick’s been competing with all of you for Master Bruce’s attention for so long that he’s… regressing. 

Red Hood: *chuckles* If he wanted to spend some alone time with the old Bat that badly, he could’ve just said so.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Sure, @tenaciouspeacesandwich​ , but Bruce grows a strand of white hair every time.