incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

Why it sometimes takes forever for Batman’s sons to finish their meals (much to Alfred’s chagrin)…

Robin: *staring at a utensil on the dining table* All of my instincts and my training are telling me to use this like a weapon.

– • – • – • – • –

This is me going out on a limb here and assuming that this family still takes the time to eat.

kindaangelic:

How to Prank a Damian (Demonicus damiansis)

A Guide By Tim Drake Wayne PhD (Department of Family Dysfunction)

1. Sedate the wild Damian.

The wild Damian, or Demonicus damiansis, can often be found in one of two places – in his chambers, where he can be found painting, meditating, or grooming his animals, or in the Cave, pestering his progenitor.

2. Approach the wild Damian

This is best done with food. The creature is most attracted to hummus and pita bread, but is also partial to peanuts.

3. Avoid the Mother-Brother (Lovebugis dickus)

It should be noted that the Damian is a juvenile, and is thus under the protection of a most hysterical mother-brother amalgamation. This creature is called Dick Grayson, and should be carefully dealt with.

4. Distract the Mother-Brother

The Dick Grayson ceature can be drawn away with mention of another sibling-creature, notably, the Jaybird littlewingus.

5. Lure the Wild Damian

Now alone, it is easy to lure the wild Damian with the tantalizing hummus and pita meal. For maximum trust, claim that the meal was sent by the grandfather – Alfredus nobilis.

6. Act Quickly!

Now spring your trap! Quickly pounce upon and tie the Damian up, and hang him upside down from the coat rack.

Escape quickly, lest the Dick Grayson returns, for he is sure to be vexed.

7. You have successfully pranked your Damian!

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

incorrect-batfamily-quotes:

After hours of searching the Manor…

Alfred: *throws hands up in exasperation as the five-course dinner he prepared grows cold* Well, the boys are off. I wonder where they went.

Bruce: Out of town.

Alfred: How do you know, Master Bruce?

Bruce: I told them not to.

Jason: *oblivious to the remnants of the scrumptuous five-course meal he just devoured hanging off the corner of his mouth as realization dawns on him* Son of a bat…

Dick: Right?

Tim: It didn’t seem suspicious to you? At all?

Damian: -Tt- Reverse psychology. I wouldn’t put it past Father.

Duke: Or is it reverse-reverse psychology… ?

Alfred: *grinning smugly while placing a slice of homemade blueberry mousse in front of each of them* Does it really matter, young masters?

Alfred: Care for a piece, @imaginationphoenix ?