While enduring Batman’s “I’m disappointed” lecture (and face) after a mission gone awry, aggravated by someone’s inappropriate jokes…
Red Robin: You just had to open your mouth.
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes* You just had to be in the room.
Bruce: Tim, please keep an eye on Jason today. He’s going to say something to the wrong person and get himself arrested.
Tim: Sure. I’d love to see Jason get arrested.
Bruce: Try again.
Tim: I will stop Jason from getting arrested.
Bruce: Correct.
In a prison cell, chained to the wall, after Roy comments on a criminal mastermind’s fahsion choices…
Arsenal: It just came out!
Red Hood: When your brain stops working, you should just shut your mouth.
During The Signal’s first few days in training with the other Batboys…
Duke: *looking ahead nervously and seeing Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin and Robin disappear from his peripheral vision one by one*
Duke: Oh, so we’re going toward the gunshots now?!
Robin: *saves Jon’s life*
Superboy: *hugs Damian* You’re going to make me cry!
Robin: At least this time it’s for a good reason.
Ganthet: *evaluating Hal’s membership to the Green Lantern Corps* You appear to be an intelligent young man.
Hal: Thank you –
Ganthet: But then you open your mouth and that appearance disappears.
Looking for the last surviving box of Twinkies in the Watchtower be like…
Green Lantern: Batman! You’ve got to break Bats. Superman tells him everything.
The Flash: Those tiny ears hold so many secrets.
Really. Of all the superheroes you’re gonna attempt to get to gossip it’s Batman. Really.
When Nightwing’s away, the other Robins will play…
Jason: *holding a bound, gagged, and very bored-looking Damian upside down* Permission to drop the little twerp into a deep, dark hole, Sir?
Tim: Granted.
Damian: -Tt-
When your adoptive father has trust issues with your crimefighting methods…
Red Hood: *running through a dark alley*
Red Hood: *stops abruptly and catches his breath*
Red Hood: *rolls his eyes at his little brother, who’s in the Batjet hovering above him* I don’t need to be monitored all day long, brat. I’m not a toddler. This is stupid.
Robin [on the Comm Link]: I know you’re not, Todd, because toddlers would know that “stupid” is a no-no word.
tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber
Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –
Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?
Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*
Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –
Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?
Batman: Hrrrn.
Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.
Red Robin: *wakes up with a jolt* Huh, what, where am I? Who are you?!
Driver: Sir, I’m your driver and you’re in an Uber that you booked…?
Red Robin: Oh. *relaxes into his seat, staining it further with the blood dripping from his suit*
Driver: *eyeing him through the rear view mirror* Costume party, huh?
Red Robin: *thinking about how patrol went and chuckling* Clowns, shrinks, hyenas… You name it.
Driver: Sounds wild.
Red Robin: *yawning* Yuppp yup yup.
Driver: Also, I just want to make sure, because it says here on the map that I’m supposed to drop you at *zooms the location in* a garbage dumpsite…?
Red Robin: Yeah, don’t worry about. *shuts his eyes and goes back to sleep*
At Gotham Academy…
Damian: *glares at the driver through the rear view mirror*
Driver: *shifts uncomfortably in his seat*
Damian: You’re not Pennyworth.
Driver: Uh, excuse me, Sir?
Damian: *narrows his eyes and whispers in his ear* He told me he’d pick me up. So why. Aren’t you. Pennyworth.
Driver: I don’t, uh, I’m not – Sir, I just – *shaking, sweating, and about to hit the call button after dialling “911”*
Damian: That won’t be necessary.
Damian: *gets out of the car and dials a number*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ •~
Alfred [on the phone]: *chopping vegetables* Master Damian, I understand you’re upset, but it’s time you learned other means of transpor– Oh, oh, dear. I apologize, my dear boy. No, you were not being abandoned, I just thought– Shh, shhh. No more crying. I’m on my way. [*click*]
Red Hood: *takes off his helmet, adjusts his domino mask, and lights up a cigarette*
Driver: Sir, that’s not –
Red Hood: *blows smoke out of a window and offers him a stick* Want one?
Driver: No, it’s, it’s fine. *gulps* Thank you.
Red Hood: You seen any penguins lately?
Driver: Penguins… Like, the ones at the zoo?
Red Hood: No. Suspicious ones.
Driver: I, um… don’t think so.
Red Hood: *puts his cigarette out and flicks it into a garbage bin they pass* Just drop me off at that bar right there.
Driver: Are you sure? Because it says on the map that we’re still half a mile away from The Daily Planet –
Red Hood: *reloading a gun and muttering to himself while looking intensely out the of the window* There you are, you piece of filth. Hiding out in Metropolis like the coward that you are –
Driver: *gulps as he eyes him through the rear view mirror*
Red Hood: *hands a hundred dollar bill to the driver, then pats him on the shoulder* Thanks, man.
Driver: *gets a jolt as he hears the door slam shut* You’re welcome, Sir… Rason Rodd.
RASON RODD
He does that every time, doesn’t he?
Hason Hodd
Mason Modd
Tason Jodd
Kason Kodd
Cason Codd
Lason Lodd
Chason Chodd
Hgnrnrnnnnnnnn
Jtason Jtodd: *lighting a cigarette* Who the heck’re those?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 