When asked how he spent time with his brothers yesterday…
Jason: The dentist pulled my tooth out. It’s always a good idea to demonstrate to the guys that you are capable of withstanding a tremendous amount of pain.
Jason: Plus, it’s always fun to see Tim faint.
Batman: *studying a case on the Batcomputer*
Nightwing: *parkour-ing from giant memento to giant memento in the Batcave*
Red Hood: *aiming at the bats with his guns (”What? For target practice!”)*
Red Robin: *rambles on about his Multiverse theories to Bruce while dragging around an IV stand with a pouch of pure liquid caffeine*
Batgirl: *taking a selfie while Spoiler braids her hair*
Robin: *approaching Alfred with Batcow in tow (”I need more pet food, Pennyworth.”)*
Lark: *Snapchatting everyone while ducking to avoid Dick (”Typical Tuesdays”)*
Batman: *finds it hard to focus, stops typing*
Batman: *looks at the chaos that is his children*
Alfred: *serves Bruce some tea*
Batman: Alfred, this is like a waking nightmare of happiness.
Alfred: *grins and walks away*
Orphan: *hugs Bruce’s neck from behind*
Batman: *grins as his daughter skips away to join the fray*
Jason: *doing wheelies, stoppies, and burnouts*
Jason: *jumps while his motorcycle’s mid-air, does a backflip, then gets back on and lands gracefully in front of Tim*
Tim: *sips coffee* This morning I saw a YouTube video of a puppy riding a motorcycle, so my bar for stunning is pretty high.
When you invite the Super Family over for a “leisurely Sunday cookout"…
Bruce [to the Batkids]: This is a competition. We need to win it. Please do your jobs.
Jason: *shakes head* Why are you like this?
Tim: *wearing a cowboy hat and riding on the giant dinosaur’s head in the Batcave* Caffeine, baby!
Ordering at a restaurant…
Wally: I’ll have number eight.
Waiter: That’s a party platter, sir…
Wally: I know what I am, kid.
Trying to cheer up your brother be like…
Dick: When stuff like this gets me down, you know what I like to do?
Jason: *rolls eyes* Sing “Hakuna Matata” like an eight-year-old girl?
Dick: Wrong, smarty-pants. It’s “Everything Is Awesome” from “The Lego Movie”.
Superman: Bruce, admit it. You just can’t say no to anyone. That’s why you have eight kids.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
… And counting.
When asked about his daily routine…
Batman: Hn.
Batman: I go on patrol from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep for six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Alfred’s passive aggressive comments about my social life, then I’m off to Wayne Enterprises, fresh as a daisy.
Tim Drake: Initiate Phase 2.
Bart Allen: I forgot what Phase 2 is, but I’ll assume we just run in like we discussed.
Tim Drake: Affirmative.
Bart Allen: I’ll assume that means “yes”.
Tim Drake: Roger.
Bart Allen: My name’s Bart.
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