When you fall asleep during a mission briefing at the Watchtower and need to catch up…
Kid Flash: *nudges Kyle*
Green Lantern: *nudges Wally back*
Batman: *working on a case at the mainframe computer*
Kid Flash: *clears throat*
Green Lantern: Can I ask a follow-up question, Mr. Batman, Sir?
Batman: You’re about to leave through that window.
Green Lantern: I rescind my follow-up question.
At the Watchtower…
Batman and Superman: *watching footage of Nightwing fighting a horde of alien assassins in Blüdhaven*
Batman:
Batman: *walks away*
Superman: Where are you going? Dick needs our help.
Batman: He will be fine.
Superman: How do you know?
Batman: Because I trained him.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Batman, internally: Also, Clark, what makes you think that I’m not walking away to speak with Alfred in private and ask him to round up my other children to come help out their big brother, my eldest son?
Commissioner Gordon: *throws his hands up in frustration* It’s a theory!
Batman: *crouching on a gargoyle* It’s my gut.
Commissioner Gordon: Does your gut have any evidence we can bring to a prosecutor?
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Don’t believe him, Jim. “Gut” actually stands for “I’ve done all the research humanly possible for this particular matter and I don’t have time to explain all of it to you right now. Plus, I really prefer to keep my work a secret.”
When you disobey a direct order from Batman…
Batman:
*stands up slowly from his chair and glares at Simon*
Hrrrn. Are you trying to get formidable on me, Lantern?
Green Lantern: I-It worked on H-Hal –
Batman: Infomercials work on Jordan.
Post-patrol Movie Night at the Manor…
Now Showing: “Under the Red Hood” (2010)
Red Robin: Are you… crying?
Red Hood: *vigorously wiping away his tears using Tim’s cape* What are you, a robot? It’s a deeply emotional movie!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
Oh, sorry, did it say “movie”? I meant family home video.
When your youngest brother wants to show you his appreciation…
Dick: You’re giving us… stickers?
Damian: Not just any sticker. Those are stickers of a kitty saying, “Me-wow!”.
Tim: We’re not preschoolers.
Damian: Fine, I’ll take them all back.
Jason: I earned this! Back off!
Red Hood: *struggling to disarm motion-triggered, exploding handcuffs with a lock-pick*
Red Robin: *swiftly removes his handcuffs once the henchman leaves the room and starts working on Jason’s*
Red Hood: What th-
Red Robin: Remember when you called me a “nerd” before? Get ready to apologize.
Jason [about Damian]: The kid’s a smart-ass!
Alfred: *muttering* Takes one to know one.
Wonder Woman: I just hate to see you two guys fight.
Batman: *holding a kryptonite-lined batarang to Clark’s kiss curl and gasping for air* We’re not fighting.
Superman: *lifting Bruce by the throat and tilting his own head backwards* This isn’t fighting.
Red Robin: *disables the security system of a top secret government facility*
Superboy: How on earth did you get so tech-savvy?
Red Robin: Xbox.
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