Why Batman disdains out-of-town supervillain lairs (or taking his sons with him all at once)…
Nightwing: Turkey farm?
Red Hood: No.
Red Robin: Skunks?
Red Hood: No.
Robin: Slaughterhouse?
Red Hood: No.
Catwoman: What are you boys doing back there?
Red Robin: We’re playing “What’s That Odor?”.
Robin: Father’s feet?
Batman: Hn. Damian.
Red Hood: You win, Dami.
Batman: Jason.
Nightwing: Are we there yet, Bruce?
Batman: I’ll tell you when we get there. Go back to your smell game.
Why he sometimes regrets inviting colleagues to his kids’ recitals…
Bruce: *weeping with pride as Cass dances on stage* My daughter, my daughter…
Oliver: Come on, Bruce, she’s not that bad.
Batman [to a criminal]: *gripping him tightly by the collar* You think you’ve got guts? Try raising my kids!
He’s… tired, Mr. Criminal.
Robin: Todd, I’m going to jump off this skyscraper.
Red Hood: You know, kid, as the only adult here, I feel like I should say something.
Robin: What?
Red Hood: Cool!
Batman: *lying on a gurney in the Batcave*
Superman: Is he well enough for me to start mothering him unbearably, Alfred?
Alfred: Hmm. Better let him rest up a while first.
Dick, Kaldur’ahm, and Conner: *stare in horror*
Wally: *taking debris out from between his teeth with a toothpick* Yeah, I eat the whole apple. The core, stem, seeds, everything.
Crashing at Red Robin’s Nest…
Jason: *places pillows on the couch*
Tim: Don’t sleep there. You can use the bedroom.
Jason: I can’t take your bedroom.
Tim: I’m up at four o’clock in the morning.
Jason: I can’t kick you out of your bed.
Tim: I don’t even sleep.
When you tell your little brother about the time you messed up during your tenure as the Teen Titans’ leader…
Tim: People think that I’m smart, but I’m not smart.
Damian: Who thinks that you’re smart?
Imagine: Dick listening as Bruce gives instructions, then noticing Jason and Damian sneaking into the Batmobile.
Good older brothers don’t tattle.
Red Hood: *horrified, slowly backing away from the rest of the Batfamily*
Red Hood: One near-death experience and you go all warm and cuddly on me?!
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
First of all, near-death? Well, they’ve seen you go through death-death, so. Secondly, come on. Admit it, Jay. You’re horrified at how much you appreciate it.
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