Jon: *observing Bruce, who’s talking to Dick* Is that your dad?
Damian: Both of them, yes.
An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~
I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
a-wayne-at-heart/incorrect-batfamily-quotes
Batman: *glaring*
Booster Gold: *whispering from the corner of his mouth* I’ll stop talking.
Blue Beetle: *whispering back* Probably a good plan.
When your bestfriend accuses you of unnecessarily intimidating someone…
Superman: You say I have a face.
Batman: *scoffs*
Superman: You have a tone, and it says, “I’m gonna hit somebody.”
Roy [on the phone]: Okay, I know what “nothing” means, so…
Jason: “Nothing” means “nothing”, Roy. I’m fine.
Roy: Don’t go anywhere. I’m gonna be there soon.
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ • ~
And by “there soon”, Jaybird, he actually means he’s already parking his motorcycle outside your safehouse.
When you finally discover why your kitchen cabinets always wind up empty…
Dick: *notices a red streak followed by a flicker of yellow light cross his living room in half a second*
Dick: *loudly* Maybe my apartment’s being invaded by some sort of super rat.
Red Hood: Alfred says I might have a concussion. I wasn’t able to pick up the little brat from school this morning. Oh, and get this, I have a concussion!
When you’re post-patrol but you still gotta be an older brother.
Arsenal: Jason, our friendship is built on lies?!
Red Hood: … And laughter, and stalking criminals, and love.
Nightwing: *walking away from a very intoxicated Kid Flash, who had apparently discovered a special beer formulated for speedsters*
Wonder Girl: … ?
Nightwing: He’s been grilling me about where circus performers go when they die.
Nightwing: *dismantling power-dampening wristbands on Starfire*
Nightwing: Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to get out of handcuffs?
Starfire: Whew! Well, thank Zal you’ve been arrested so many times.
Nightwing: *smirks* Arrested?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 