Author: chocoh0lic0201

Getting off duty and finding an intruder in your apartment be like…

Dick: *walking into the dark kitchen, taking off his BPD uniform*

Dick: *pauses when he notices the light*

Dick: *carefully grabs an escrima stick from a hidden compartment in the cupboard*

Dick: *prepares to pounce on the intruder behind the open refrigerator door…*

Dick: aaaaAAHHHH… Huh?

Red Hood: *blinks*

Dick: *blinks*

Red Hood: *mouth stuffed with donuts and face covered in sugar sprinkles*

Red Hood: What are you, the donut police? Because if you are, you’re legally bound to tell me, or else it’s entrapment.

Don’t judge your brother, Dick. Beating up criminals can really build up an appetite.

Nightwing: Guys, we don’t have “origin stories”, we have lives.

Nightwing: *looks around at the rest of the Batfamily*

Nightwing: At least… Yup, just me.

Just because you have a healthy social life, it doesn’t mean you get to rub it in people’s faces. Dick.

When you’ve been hopped up on caffeine for way too long… 

The Batfamily: *watching Cassandra’s ballet recital at the Gotham City Opera House* 

Tim: This is amazing! And possibly in real time!

In which Jason and Damian get permission from Dick to tranquilize their brother. 

In the middle of a firefight and they’re horribly outnumbered…

Red Hood: What do you want me to do? *cocks both guns*

Robin: Stay alive, Todd… or don’t!

Red Hood: I’m on it! *jumps into the fray*

*shakes head* Robins.   

When you really want to talk to your best friend about something but he’s about to jump off a skyscraper…

Superboy: Is this a bad time?

Red Robin: I’d say it’s about half past suuuuuuuuuuu —

Half past “suck”, Kon. He meant to say, “half past suck”. 

Bruce: I scolded Damian today, so according to – *reads smudged writing on his palm* — “The Robin Bylaws”, I now have to grant him three wishes.

Alfred: …

Parenting. Comes easy, it does not. 

Dick drafted the original bylaws, by the way. Jason, Tim, and Damian merely perfected them.

Brainstorming with your brothers, part 2… 

Red Robin: *sighs*

Red Robin: Maybe we should brainstorm fundraising ideas that aren’t bake sales – *glares at Red Hood*

Red Robin: – or zoos where the humans are in cages and the animals come to visit. *glares at Robin* 

In which you desperately need money to have the Batmobile repaired before Batman comes back from space and finds out that y’all took it for a joyride.