Bruce: *walks around the Manor to check on his kids*
Dick: *on his bed, cutting his toenails and admiring how shiny they are*
Jason: *in the library, arranging the books by author*
Tim: *by the pool, playing online D&D with his Young Justice teammates*
Damian: *in the backyard, doing drills with Titus*
Cass: *in the dance studio, practicing some ballet moves*
Steph: *in the kitchen, making a mess with the waffle maker*
Bruce: What are you doing he– Hn. Never mind.
Duke: *in the tennis court, playing with Luke*
Barbara: *in the Batcave, typing on her laptop*
Bruce: *whispers to her* You would tell me, wouldn’t you?
Barbara: *stops typing and raises an eyebrow at him*
Bruce: Hn. Forget I said anything.
Alfred: *in the front parlor, knitting a Batman onesie*
Bruce: Alf–
Alfred: *lifts a finger* IF you ask me one more time, Master Bruce, you will have no more cookies for the rest of this year. I don’t care if you cry blood murder.
Bruce: Hn. *muttering under his breath* At least I know where your loyalty lies.
Alfred: *puts down the onesie* What was that?
Bruce: Nothing. *speed-walks away*
Bruce: *heads to a secret room*
Bruce: *clears his throat* Brother Eye. Nothing?
Brother Eye: Good morning, Batman. Last scan was 3 minutes, 42 seconds and 5 milliseconds ago. Scanning all surveillance cameras in the Manor and in places frequented by your children and activating advanced facial recognition now. 0 results. Scanning all forms of digital communication to and from your children’s communication devices now. 0 results. Scanning all travel –
Bruce: Stop. Hn.
Bruce: *dials a number on his phone*
Clark [on the other end of the line, in Smallville]: *milking a cow* Yeeeello?
Bruce: I’m your best friend, right… ?
Clark: *starting to sweat* Why are you e-even a-asking me that, Bruce?
Meanwhile…
The Batkids: *communicating within the Manor by sign language and passing handwritten notes to each other, evading the surveillance cameras using their training from Batman*
Dick: Hurry up, guys. Only a matter of time before Superman breaks.
~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Let’s just say that Bruce gets a liiiiiiiiiiitle bit more paranoid around this time of year. For good reason.
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 