tonight’s obsession: circumstances that lead to the Batfamily giving up and calling an uber
Nightwing: *speaking in a hushed tone* No, no, B, look, just –
Nightwing: *hissing* Will you stop that please? You’re breaking the freakin’ door! You want to buy this nice gentleman a brand new car, is that what you want?
Batman: *snorts, then let’s go of the door handle and glares at the window*
Nightwing: There. Was that so hard? Now, relax. As I was saying, once in a while, it’s nice to let someone else take the wheel, you know? To just let go of that consuming urge to control everything and everyone and –
Driver: *eyeing them through the rear view mirror* So, you two headed to the Gotham Comic Con?
Batman: Hrrrn.
Nightwing: Yes, yes, that’s exactly it.
Red Robin: *wakes up with a jolt* Huh, what, where am I? Who are you?!
Driver: Sir, I’m your driver and you’re in an Uber that you booked…?
Red Robin: Oh. *relaxes into his seat, staining it further with the blood dripping from his suit*
Driver: *eyeing him through the rear view mirror* Costume party, huh?
Red Robin: *thinking about how patrol went and chuckling* Clowns, shrinks, hyenas… You name it.
Driver: Sounds wild.
Red Robin: *yawning* Yuppp yup yup.
Driver: Also, I just want to make sure, because it says here on the map that I’m supposed to drop you at *zooms the location in* a garbage dumpsite…?
Red Robin: Yeah, don’t worry about. *shuts his eyes and goes back to sleep*
At Gotham Academy…
Damian: *glares at the driver through the rear view mirror*
Driver: *shifts uncomfortably in his seat*
Damian: You’re not Pennyworth.
Driver: Uh, excuse me, Sir?
Damian: *narrows his eyes and whispers in his ear* He told me he’d pick me up. So why. Aren’t you. Pennyworth.
Driver: I don’t, uh, I’m not – Sir, I just – *shaking, sweating, and about to hit the call button after dialling “911”*
Damian: That won’t be necessary.
Damian: *gets out of the car and dials a number*
~ • ~ • ~ • ~ •~
Alfred [on the phone]: *chopping vegetables* Master Damian, I understand you’re upset, but it’s time you learned other means of transpor– Oh, oh, dear. I apologize, my dear boy. No, you were not being abandoned, I just thought– Shh, shhh. No more crying. I’m on my way. [*click*]
Red Hood: *takes off his helmet, adjusts his domino mask, and lights up a cigarette*
Driver: Sir, that’s not –
Red Hood: *blows smoke out of a window and offers him a stick* Want one?
Driver: No, it’s, it’s fine. *gulps* Thank you.
Red Hood: You seen any penguins lately?
Driver: Penguins… Like, the ones at the zoo?
Red Hood: No. Suspicious ones.
Driver: I, um… don’t think so.
Red Hood: *puts his cigarette out and flicks it into a garbage bin they pass* Just drop me off at that bar right there.
Driver: Are you sure? Because it says on the map that we’re still half a mile away from The Daily Planet –
Red Hood: *reloading a gun and muttering to himself while looking intensely out the of the window* There you are, you piece of filth. Hiding out in Metropolis like the coward that you are –
Driver: *gulps as he eyes him through the rear view mirror*
Red Hood: *hands a hundred dollar bill to the driver, then pats him on the shoulder* Thanks, man.
Driver: *gets a jolt as he hears the door slam shut* You’re welcome, Sir… Rason Rodd.
RASON RODD
He does that every time, doesn’t he?
Hason Hodd
Mason Modd
Tason Jodd
Kason Kodd
Cason Codd
Lason Lodd
Chason Chodd
Hgnrnrnnnnnnnn
Jtason Jtodd: *lighting a cigarette* Who the heck’re those?
incorrect-batfamily-quotes 