An Incorrect Interview with the Batfamily…
Batman: I have it on good authority that you’ve been posting these, quote-unquote, incorrect quotes about our family on this so-called… *narrows his eyes* Tumblr.
Me: *blinks*
Me: *shuddering slightly* Well, see, Mr. Batman, um,Sir Wayne, uh, Batwayne –
Nightwing: *gets up from his chair and hugs me tightly*
Me: Oh! Oh, okay. Wow. Thanks? So, um, do you have a question or… ?
Nightwing: *shakes his head and grins at me* I just wanted to lighten the mood. You know how our father tends to blur the line between an interview and an interrog–
Red Hood: *clears his throat loudly*
Red Hood: Why, um… Why the heck do you call me *reading something scribbled on his palm* “Big Brother of the Year”?
Me: Well, see, Jay, even though you see yourself as the “black sheep” of the family, I do believe that there’s some goodness in your heart and that you do care very much about them. I think Croc said it best: you’re a good kid trying to be bad, and – Are you okay?
Red Hood’s Helmet: – bZzt bzZt –
Me: Your helmet’s… There’s smoke coming out of your –
Red Hood: *gets up from his seat and speed-walks out of the room*
Me: Did I say something wrong?
Red Robin: No. His tears must’ve fried the circuits in his helmet. Anyway, is this where you live? *shows me a map on his tablet with coordinates to my residence*
Me: *wide-eyed* How’d you – ?
Red Robin: Don’t worry about it. Now, my real question is, is there a lot of coffee where you’re from?
Me: Well –
Red Robin: Like really strong cofee? *zooming in and out of the map* For some reason, I can’t get intel –
Robin: *shoves Tim out of the way*
Robin: Pretender! Where do you get the nerve –
Me: – to make you look adorable? Look, Dami, I can’t help it –
Black Bat: *grapple-hooks into the room and grabs me*
Spoiler: Alright, creeps, that’s enough blogger harrassment for today!
Batgirl: *whispering into my ear* I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Alfred: *walks into the room*
Room: *falls silent*
Alfred: No dessert for all of you.
Everyone (including Bruce): *whines*
Alfred: As for you *looks at me*…
Me: *blinks*
Alfred: … we would appreciate it if you joined us for dinner. *walks out of the room with Batcow and Titus in tow*
The Signal: *turns off the camera and runs after Alfred* But I was just filming everything, I swear!
Catwoman: *comes in through the kitchen window* Meow. Did I miss the interview?
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I guess this is just my way of saying THANK YOU for your continued patronage.
Sincerely *with lots of cute, little hearts*,
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Robin: *grabs @utazawa by the sleeve with charcoal-stained fingers and without even taking his eyes off the portrait he’s making*
Robin: Where do you think you’re going, Trespasser? I need a muse. Sit down.
Nightwing: Robin, our manners, please. Ignore that. You’re very much welcome –
Red Robin: *cartwheels in between Dick and @utazawa * Heyyouwannagoonpatrolwithme?Thisdarkroaststuffisreallykickingin!HowaboutApokolips,youupfor–
Red Hood: *maskless, throws the fan back to @utazawa and lightly pushes Tim, who topples over and instantly falls asleep on the floor* Hey, thanks.
Me: Oh! @utazawa , you’re still here?
Alfred: Might I suggest you stay for dinner then? I hope you’re not allergic to lobster.
Alfred: *on his way out of the living room* And perhaps you can regale Master Jason and me about Shakespeare.
Batman: *walking into the living room* I like these *narrows eyes* chill pills. *pops another into his mouth and heads to the Batcave*
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